John: this is classic UTI. See if you can get her to urinate in a bedpan - should fit right under the toilet seat. It is clear, odor, does it seem like enough? When things turn that fast, usually first thing I think of.

Do let us know. Debbie

UTI was something I thought of, but the nurse didn't mention it. When she called back she told me to consider putting Mom on hospice.

John

hospice?!   what?  isn't hospice for those who have a terminal condition and are in the last stages?!?  ( stroke is not a terminal condition).   I would lose all confidence in this nurse at this time.  

Please  try to show her some of her things, like pictures, something for her to maybe recognize.    Get that order for a UTI first thing in the morning.   If she doesn't have one, something else has happened.   first things first.

What did she think of your house?   Did she recognize it.   Has she lost ground in any other ways, like limbs, sight, speech, appearance of face?

Hi John, I agree with Debbie. Get  her checked out. hospice?? wrong answer,  Mom haded a stroke, and she is not  terminal, just confused.    Keep posting so we know what is going on

Yvonne

John, I was floored that our PT, OT and every other doctor out there never mentioned to watch for UTI when I kept saying mom was regressing. I even mentioned to my dad that mom's urine had a funny smell which he replied was the catheters that we were using. (what would he know...I should have insisted.) If the UTI is severe enough a short stay at the hospital might be in order and she may miss her appointment tomorrow.

My dad and I have learned as caregivers that we will "try" and make the best decisions for her. On mom's second trip to the hospital they kept pushing us to put her back in a skilled nursing facility.  We said thank you, but she is coming home. It was AFTER we said that we found out we had 14 days to change our mind and have the hospital write us orders for the skilled nursing if we felt we needed it. Why don't they say that before all the pushing??

Please let us know what's going on. I follow your blog since our moms are about the same age. 

She thinks other people live in my house. She is very mad at me because I won't take her home. I showed her things in the house to try to convince her it is her house. She thinks I just put those things there to trick her. She doesn't want to talk to me and doesn't want me to touch her.

I am supposed to have a nurse come today to check for UTI. I hope it is the regular nurse so she can see the change in personality.

The conversation with the nurse on the phone last night went like this:

Nurse: "Do you know she is 88?"

Me: "Yes, I do.

Nurse: "You should consider getting her into hospice care."

Me: "Let's take it one step at a time."

I had to reschedule her ophthalmologist appt today because there was no way we would get there on time. I don't think she is in a state of mind to work with anyone today.

John

I think the nurse had a brain fart and meant to say skilled nursing home.   She would be in the same shape if she was in one, the only difference you wouldn't be there.   That is your call, as to when you can not function with her.

I don't think you will be able to convince her it is her house, for right now.   I think she has 'made up her mind' that you are tricking her, and sticking to it.  I hope there is a break thru soon, for both your sakes.

John, my mom was very, very angry and confused.  I actually thought the stroke caused her to develop Alzheimer's!  Every time I left her house she thought I was going to a bar to get drunk...nothing made sense. As your mom's advocate, please make sure this "nurse" does a complete check and follow up.  Ask questions, "how are you going to test for UTI",  "are you going to do any blood work to rule out other complications?" ect.

I will hold back my thoughts on her nurse, but with answers and questions regarding hospice and "do you know she is 88?" I would ask her lots and lots of questions as I think she is missing something.

The conversation about hospice was with the on-duty nurse last night. Her regular nurse is very good and understands the dynamic between Mom and me. I hope she is the one who comes today.

I have explained to Mom many times, starting in rehab, about the house she owns. I thought there was a breakthrough on Sunday night, because she told me how much she paid for it. I thought the case was closed at that point. She can tell me the address of her house, but she doesn't think that is where she is.

What was a loving Mom has now turned into a bitter, angry Mom. I am hoping we can get back on track.

John

John, I have no idea what may be wrong with your mom medically speaking. However in a general sense I know that strokes affect the mind and problems of the mind are among the most baffling kinds. Just remember, as you fight through all of this, that it is not  your mom who is talking and doubting and being difficult but rather her stroke. Strokes can have a major impact on personality, as has been often reported. The good news is that some of these personality changes turn out to be temporary so you may yet get your old mom back. Best wishes to you and your mother as you march on. Your dedication to her is really impressive and I commend you for it. She has already lived a long life and I'd be willing to bet that the love she has gotten from her son is a big reason for that.

Ron

I just wonder if time is being wasted waiting on the nurse, because I'm thinking you have to have a doctor's order to get the UTI test.    Please call them, if you don't already have the process completed because the week-end is coming and this could end up not being finished till next week, which is a long time (been there TWICE).    Now I have a UTI order on file at the local hospital out patient lab.   I don't have to take him, just get the kit and get his sample and take it back in.

I just wonder if time is being wasted waiting on the nurse, because I'm thinking you have to have a doctor's order to get the UTI test.    Please call them, if you don't already have the process completed because the week-end is coming and this could end up not being finished till next week, which is a long time (been there TWICE).    Now I have a UTI order on file at the local hospital out patient lab.   I don't have to take him, just get the kit and get his sample and take it back in.

I'm thinking the nurse would have to call the doctor, which you could have done and had the test back to the lab already.

Mom calmed down quite a bit and we were talking before the nurse arrived. I told the nurse the sequence of events that lead me to believe she may have a uti. She didn't necessarily agree, but I have been told several times before that confusion could mean uti. She thought the test was probably unnecessary, but I am going to get a sample and get it tested because it has already been ordered. The nurse just doesn't think it is urgent. Maybe she is right, but I will probably become more accustomed to the mood swings as time goes on.

John

We had a nice dinner and medications with no problem. Things seem back to normal. Maybe it's me panicking because of mood changes. It's still better to be safe than have an infection.

John

I wouldn't say that her not recognizing her home is just you panicking.   I'm glad to hear the test has been ordered.    You may not get an answer till next week, because of the week-end, though.   Please keep us posted.

The nurse came today to get the urine sample. She said it looks like an infection because of the cloudiness of the urine. She said it was a good call on my part. Of course, I was hoping for no infection, but it is good it will be taken care of.

John

John, you just might find her "confusion" will clear up when the infection clears up....so finding an infection is a good thing.

My mom never had UTI pre stroke so I never saw this behavior before her stroke.  Pre stroke my mom drank water all the time, she wouldn't leave the house without a bottle of water. After the stroke when she was in the hospital they pumped her full of fluids so we didn't have any problems until after her discharge. Because she has difficulty swallowing her water intake was/is next to nothing.  I think this made her prone to infection and kidney problems (but I'm not a doctor so what do I know.)

Bottom line....try and get your mom to drink as much water as possible. Once the infection clears up, I bet you will see a difference in your mom.

Heidi

I'm not sure what is really going on. The doctor didn't prescribe anything for a UTI. Everything was okay today. Mom got dressed, then had a session with the OT. She then said she was tired and wanted to take a nap. I woke her up about 1 1/2 hours later because I wanted to take her to Quest to get a blood test. When we came home she insisted it is not her house. She only wants me to take her out of here and take her home. She won't eat, sleep, or take her medications because she wants to go home. I have tried everything to convince her this is her home. She isn't buying it.

John

Wow John, I'm sorry the Dr. didn't think the UTI was enough to warrant meds.  Let's see what the blood test shows. I know it has taken my mom about 5 months before hew "weird" dreams and saying "weird" things got better, so hang in there.  I noticed with my mom that she would become much more agitated around dusk each day so I tried to change things up.  I'm not sure if it helped me to do that (as I felt like I was trying to be productive) or her.  LOL

Mom got settled down about 9PM. I got her to take at least her prescription meds in pudding and skipped the OTC pills. She doesn't usually get confused in the evening, but she gets disoriented when we go out and come back home. This morning the phone started ringing at 7:50 with the whole gang from the hospital wanting to be here. She got her meds late because of them. Now she is resting before the crowd starts this afternoon.

Heidi, Mom is having some confused talk today. I wanted to get her on the phone to say Happy Birthday to her brother who is 99 today. Do you think this is wise? Her brother might not understand if she starts saying weird things.

John

99th birthday is awesome!!  No one on either side of my family has had that longevity (yet) so it's hard for me to even guess what might or might not work. As someone on this board said "every stroke is like a snowflake."

With my mom, her long term memory is great, everything after the stroke is mush.  One thing I have to do with my mom is not surprise her with anything!  I have to start days ahead of time telling her what is going to happen, give her choices, and repeat it over several times. So before she called her Aunt I told her "Mom, you need to call Anna, her birthday is this week, do you want to call her today or tomorrow."  She said tomorrow for about a week before she called and the conversation went beautifully, or so I was told...(it was in German and I don't speak German.) LOL 

Maybe you could ask her "mom, its your brothers birthday, we should call him...what are you two old birds going to talk about?" Get her to think about the conversation before the call.  I am slowly learning with this stroke stuff that I am never, ever going to have the right answer, but it's not going to be completely wrong either.

PS.  For my mom's therapies, I bought a white board to write down who is coming what day / time and to track her appointments.  I would remind her the day before what will be happening the next day.  Time has helped and she doesn't rely on the board anymore, but I still tell her the day before what is happening the next day.

The PT left about 3:15. I reminded Mom that her brother's birthday is today. I said I wanted to get him on the phone so they could talk. Mom said some off things, but it was good they could talk and Mom started crying, which I expected. They are the youngest and oldest; 88 and 99. He calls Mom his kid sister. I am so happy they got to speak to one another.

John