I am trying new things!
It's been a while since I have blogged, and not because I haven't wanted to, but mostly because I have been too tired. I think the past three months finally caught up with me this past couple of weeks. I am usually not tired more than maybe a day here or a day there, but this past week I have been exhausted more than usual. I believe it's a combination of being a caregiver and doing much more than I have been used to and also not eating the right foods. It's funny because I make sure Ray gets the most nutritious, fatigue fighting, energy building foods there are! And he is slowing regaining his appetite and a little more energy. He no longer spends half the day sleeping on the couch. Even he has mentioned that he feels better. That is a biggie!
What's new is I finally realized that I was doing "everything" for Ray and not only tiring myself out, but not allowing him to grow in his strength and capabilities to learn how to do for himself. For the past two days I have allowed him to walk across the room to a different chair or to the couch. I have watched from a distance as he walked alone to the bathroom. I leave the room when he tries to dress himself, as its so hard not to help him. It has taken about three weeks, but he can put his shirt on pretty good and his pants are coming along. He got used to me doing most everything for him and after my right hand got to where even moving it was so painful, I realized I put all of my strength into him, and he needs to put his in. The therapists have shown him how to get up from a lying position using his elbow. He said I can't do it. So once my hand and back hurt so much I told him he had to try harder, because it hurt me to pull him up. So guess what?? He is getting up on his own now. It's a slow process but he can do it. So my new thing is letting go! That is soooooo hard for me. To let him relearn how to take care of himself. Even little things like getting ready for bed. I was putting his toothpaste on his toothbrush, pouring mouth wash into the cup. Putting his dentures into a cup and plopping in the denture cleaner. And now I sit on the edge of the bed while he does all of those himself. Gee, guess what, he does it weird, but he does it! So now I let him walk to the bed once he is finished and the one thing I do is put on the night catheter. He can't do that, but thats fairly easy. I tuck him in, said good night and go out to the living room to have "my quiet space" to watch the programs I record. I turn on the baby monitor and relax. It's the only me time I have.
So not only stroke survivors have to rewire their brain, but caregivers do as well. I am learning the more I do for him, the less he will learn to redo himself! Gosh lightbulb moment
So this is my contribution to the bloggers corner. My usually cheerful, I can do anything attitude is a little bit more on the "I am really tired here" and I think I am grumpy and need a break and some rest. I will find it somewhere. So hugs to all of you out there that are just here every day and who know how we feel and love us unconditionally. Guess what? I love you back!!!
Hugs, Judy
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