Just got back from the hospital. After 2 days of tests and minor surgeries Buck has finally had 2 solid days of deep sleep. When I showed up at his room they were getting ready to bath him. They always ask that I come back in 10 or 15 minutes. I find this almost humerous since after 15 years there is nothing he has that I haven't seen. Even if there was the horrors of this stroke and the medical procedures that have been done, watching a sponge bath would be nothing. Anyhoo. When I came back I was speaking with his nurse of the day. You never know what type of personality you are going to deal with but quickly fall into a routine, twice a day dealing with different nurses. Kim asked me what I knew about his condition so I quickly brought her up to speed and also spoke about this site and all of the first hand conversations I have had with people that have been knocked down to Bucks level from this monster of a disease. I ask her if he's awake and she reports that he still has not come to. This worries me some. I enter the room and his eyes are closed but I'm talking to him anyway. I put my coat and bag on the sofa, look over at the bed and his eyes are open. It's as if he has been waiting to open them for me and I smile. I go over and give him a kiss and tell him how much I love and miss him. I feel special.

The doctor came in, I think his name was Larson. Molly, get a pen and paper hello! His ct scan shows that the two stems at the back of the neck still show blockage on one side but the other side is clear. I spend a couple of hours catching him up on my research of his condition. I also explain that I will always hold more creedence in what actual survivors have endured over the medical community's prediction. After all I have learned from this sites survivors such as Steve, that every stroke is as different as each of our fingerprints. I read all of the new responses and then I realize, crap! I forgot to charge my tablet. So I turn it off and continue to talk to him regarding "what I know about what I don't know". I think many of you can relate to that little phrase. I tell him that I know he is still there and will continue to talk to him about everything I find. Communication is key and we MUST find a way to communicate. The only tools we have to work with is his foot, eyes and vital stats monitor. Quickly I notice he can now move his foot not just side to side but up and down as if tapping his foot. YEAH!! The eye blinking 1 for yes, 2 for no has not been working very well for us. He seems to catch on quickly that waving his foot from sided to side is "No" and moving it up and down as you would nod your head is "YES". YES, he did want a wash cloth on his forhead. O.K. we're rocking now. The respirator tech comes by to suction out his throat. The nurses do this during the day but this guy is known for his deep cleanings. I can't believe I'm getting used to watching a complete stranger jab a mini vac down my husbands throat, all the while he starts coughing turning a deep shade of crimson and adding 15 points to his heart rate but I am. When I asked the nurse to come in and do it he started moving his foot back and forth saying NO. I point this out to her and he quickly changes his answer to YES, get this crap out of me. That does sound more like the man I know and love.

John D. came by. This guy is a character from a book that has yet to be written. I must share his story but that will be for later. I look at the guest book I sat on the table and see a pastor has com by. Buck moves his foot to say YES when i ask him if he remembers. John had asked me if Paul had come by but we couldn't understand if Buck was saying yes or no. So I ask him later if he had indeed dropped by and I receive the NO response pretty clearly. I notice when a visitor comes by he gets a little flustered right now. He has also decided not to "perform" like a trained seal for almost all of the nurses, doctors, and techs but that's o.k. and in line with his personality. I know that it makes me look like I'm living in a fantasy world but I don't care. If this is all the control he has, so be it.

At one point I'm rubbing his foot and his leg literally recoils with the knee up off the bed. Great! Now we have not just foot movement but I do no that he can physically move his leg. Awesome. I ask him if it hurts his skin when I touch his foot. YES is the response. O.K. I say, won't do that anymore. It's almost 2 p.m. and I tell him that I should get something to eat in the cafeteria. Would that be O.K.? He responds YES. I eat and am back at his side.

I haven't been sleeping well. Insomnia has been my arch enemy ever since I contracted meningitis some 35 years ago and know with the stroke I find it completely impossible to turn my brain off. It's 4 o'clock and I ask him if he minds if I leave a little early bcause I'm so tired. O.K. This tore me up. I look at his foot and he is shaking his foot saying, "NO NO. NO!!!. I wanted to cry. To be honest I had been feeling quite faint all day and was worring about my blood pressure and heart. I've had two mild heart attacks in the past and with the literal half mile track to the car from his room knew I was pushing my luck as it was. I talk to him a little more, give him a kiss and leave. I let the nurse know and she agrees I should watch my health.

A couple of times today his bpm rose into the 90's. This is usually proceeded by a cough. He does panic a bit so I lower my voice ever so gently while rubbing his chest and say "calm, calm, calm, everything is O.K. Buck. Let's slow your heart rate a bit". Immediately his bpm starts lowering. I learned this from calming my asthmatic kitty Simon when he's hacking up a furball and starting to go into panic mode. Don't tell Buck because I don't think he remembers or it is such a minor detail of pre-stroke that is has been over written.

On the way down I update the wonderful elderly receptionist and chat for a couple of minutes. It' good to have her desk to lean on before the next half of my journey to the car. Carla calls to wish us as happy a Thanksgiving day as possible and before I know it I'm home on my bed.