Well, if you don't tell them the truth, then they will think everyone else is lying and trying to trick them.    That alone, creates more problems that escalates their frustrations and problems.

Debby: it took me a long time to figure out how to respond to your blog. I had to got back through the past five years to think about this.

Bruce is aphasic, so one never knew if he was confused or just having trouble finding his words. But as long as we stick to the strategies outlined by Speech, that is greatly improved. Your Dad does not have that.

However, Bruce does know when something is not "right." We stick to strict routine here to keep those episodes to a minimum. But if he is overtired or we are out of routine, it happens.

Last week he told me this long story about a friend we had just passed on the street, making a U turn, going back into his driveway and then following us. First of all, that amount of conversation is major for Bruce. But at the very end he said "And I have no idea what I am talking about." LOL - yes, we can do that now. Yes we did pass the friend but Bruce knew his brain took him to lala land and was able to recognize that.

So, Bruce reacts to these times usually with an "I don't know." Too frustrated to talk about it and apparently too difficult to think about. He told me about year two "Only 25% of my brain has light."

I think Dad just reacts with frustration and anger and that is OK, because that is how Dad is wired. Scared too probably, but he will not admit that to his daughter. Plus he is probably very angry that his life as he knew it was taken from him - he is dependent on you and he should be the strong, leading father.

Be gentle, but don't gloss over his concerns. I always go with "Bruce, you did a lot today. This is going to happen. We will get through it." And I would keep the conversation to a minimum, discuss only the issue he is concerned about and move on to the next thing: Let's set the table for dinner, let's fold the laundry, Let's work on the grocery list. Get him right back into daily life - this is no big deal, time to move on. I do hope this helps. Debbie

Thank you both for your help. I am having a hard time because mama thinks the issue is daddy and daddy thinks the issue is mama. Right now mama is higher functioning than daddy. I know that will change as her disease progresses. I don't know whether daddy will get better, worse or stay the same. Time will tell. Btw we are having a grandbaby tonight so I am nervously excited

Debbie, you are right to tell your father the truth but ofcoarse as you know sometimes the truth hurts but at least your father will know that you will always be truthful to him no matter what however as a stroke survivor your father is probably trying his very best to not forget and if he does he probably gets very frustrated with himselfbecause he feels like he is letting you down, but he does love you all the best to your father deb  

Congratulations! Let us know!

Well, the little grandbaby took her sweet time and was born at 1:14pm weighing in at 7lbs 21.25in long. She has deep dimples, very long legs and feet and some really long fingers. She has the prettiest curly red hair. We aren't sure where that came from but it is beautiful. My heart is full and my head is extremely tired. I stayed up with them most of the night.

Debby: Congratulations on your new Grandbaby Girl - a little redhead and sure to be a spitfire and the love of your life.

Great news, glad your grand daughter arrived safely.  Red hair and a fiery temper was the belief, so support her Mom as she grows up for sure. Congratulations.