All i can do now is what i can do now....
Entry posted by DeanS
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So..., with each new entry i make i find i have to go back and re-read what i've already written... because i don't remember what it was that i wrote. This is unfortunate in that i want to be sure that i don't repeat myself, but fortunate as it sort of maintains a written record of where i have been and what i have been doing. This is really helpful for me because i don't recall any real sense of the days since i have had the strokes let alone what i wrote last. I guess it's been about 18 months since the first one and about 6(?) since the last one. I go from day to day getting what must be done done and beyond that i guess isn't really that important. But it is a very strange place to be. It leaves me with essentially no concept of time, or the passing of time.... Does anyone else have this sense (or lack of it) i wonder? I would be happy to hear of anyone's experience with it..... it's also very interesting to me that i have no overt sense of loss over this. It just is.
Since my last post here are the things that i have addressed that i could address. I know because of my memory issues that i had to make an appointment with my neurologist to address the issue of memory and to get a referral to a psychiatrist. I meet with the neurologist on monday and i'm hoping he can shed a little light on my memory. So that's done. I'm also making a list of the things i need to talk to him about because i know when i see him i'll forget half of them.
I see the cardiologist on Jan 8 to talk about the A-fib issue and the subsequent procedure so that's taken care of.
My application for disability pension i have decided to put on hold until i see the doctors and get some feedback. In the meantime a have put in place the actions required for survival money and where it will come from when my employment insurance runs out in feb. So that is taken care of.... I do know that i'll stress when the time comes but that will be then.
The time passes... yet i have no real sense of it's passing.
I have so much gratitude for the Stroke Network. Here are the top 5
1. It gives me something to read each morning and keeps me knowing that i'm not alone
2. Being able to read about other's trials and tribulations causes me to have hope that things can continue to get better for me.
3. It is always a never ending source of information on the infinite variety of effects/affects of strokes and helps me feel like i'm not crazy.
4. It lets me say or express what's going on with me unconditionally and without fear of judgement (i have always been afraid to do this).
5. It gives me a sense/hope that my experience might be helpful to others and that i may still have value in this world.
That's all i've got for today. and, i think i've got all of my ducks is a row....
Cheers,
Dean
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