Do not try this at home...
Entry posted by DeanS
1,057 views
So..., i wake each day with wondering if my mind and body will continue to function and improve or at least maintain. So far so good, my head is getting more and more clear (most days), my body is also improving, and i honestly think the fog (drug induced) of the last year has lifted. This is causing me to reconsider life, as i find myself in the position of having thought i had lost everything including the will to live, only to discover that all is not lost. The notion that i may be somewhat unique and phenomenally fortunate in this regard is not lost on me... because it could have been fatal. But, fully conscious of the potential consequences, i am choosing to live with mind and body, with a feel for life and living rather than live as a ghost of who i was, even if it means dying younger or sooner than i otherwise might. If i were hearing my story as though it were someone else's i would, i think, express alarm and concern. So i live on....
It has been about a month now since i started my experiment with medications and i have no regrets. My worst day since i quit has been leaps and bounds better than my best days in the all of the last year. I think, feel, articulate, and move almost as well as i did before the strokes. And i have to pinch myself to be sure it isn't all just a dream. I had two appointments this last week. One with a psychiatrist and one with a cardiologist. Each was enlightening. The psych doc took my history and asked what my biggest concerns were and i told her that it was primarily my sometimes chaotic thinking that i was most concerned about now (which was different from what had brought me to her in the first place). I made her aware of the three strokes i had, the utter desolation and deterioration that i had suffered over the last year and the seemingly miraculous turn around since i stopped taking meds. I had seriously considered cancelling the appointment because i felt i had recovered so much that it would be a waste of her time and mine. Well it was a waste of time. Knowing my history and about the strokes, she prescribed Trazadone to help me with my sometimes chaotic thinking. I told her that i was very hesitant to take any medication considering my ever improving condition and that i would take the script but that i needed to research the med first and that i might not fill it depending on what i found. As it turns out trazadone is not recommended for anyone with cardiac, ischemic, or stroke issues and should be administered only under close medical supervision or in hospital for people who have a history with such issues. Needless to say, i didn't fill the script.
The visit to the cardiologist was no less interesting. Long story short, he asked why he should should treat my case when he didn't feel comfortable that i would follow his directions regarding meds. Through reasonable discussion, we agreed that i would follow his advice and start taking a statin for at least 2 weeks to see how it affected me. In return he would order the diagnostics that he felt necessary in attempt to discover the reason and source for my strokes. While i took the script from him and assured him that i would give it a try i feel very, very reluctant to do so. And now i have been classified as a non-compliant patient which doesn't bode well for anyone. Yet, thinking about it, maybe it lets him off the hook. I swore to myself that i would never again take a statin.
I am very grateful that i may have dodged the proverbial bullet and it has caused, or perhaps allowed is a better word, a re-evaluation of my life before strokes versus how i would like to live now..., and that is where i am today,
To be continued...
5 Comments
Recommended Comments