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Venturing deeper into hell


molly2350

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Sorry I haven't updated. Seems like there are no more breaks in life and I've reached a point where I sometimes just want to up and leave but my heart and love for my husband keeps me steadfast in my duties.

 

Buck was released from the hospital after more than a month in icu. Since we could never afford insurance and Oklahoma is the worst state almost for nursing home care, he was placed about 100 miles away in Eufaula at the Wellington Living and Rehabilitation Center. Long story short after being held captive in a place where we wouldn't hold prisoners in, he was rushed back to Tulsa with lights and sirens, to the closest ER they could reach. The admitting nurse said she had never seen such a bad case of neglect. It took 2 hours alone to clean the *beep* that he was covered in off of him. A total of 4 hours to stabilize Buck. It took 2 people to hold me as i screamed and cried when I received this news. My Mom was abused and neglected in a local nursing home where I spent hours by her side and they still almost managed to kill her.

 

I'm Bucks only family and could not make the 4 hour trip but a couple of times in my mechanically challenged car. Holding everything together at home is proving to be more than I can handle. So for the past month almost, he has been healing in a hospital across town that I can barely make it to.

 

Yesterday our "Team" (myself and 3 of his closest long time friends) met with his doctor. Buck had a severe ischemic stroke. He does have very, very, limited movement. He has recognition with limited "Yes" or "No" communication skills. He is a shell of the once vibrant and energetic man he was. We are getting ready to transfer him to a different nursing home this week that I will not be able to drive to. I Pray every night that God has pity on him and takes him home. If I could only afford a better vehicle, I could at least visit him. He will most likely end up in Inola, Oklahoma. This is simply a nightmare that refuses to end. Buck continues to fight. For what I am unsure.

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Molly, I know how hard all of this must be for you and, of course, for Buck. Your biggest challenge right now is to avoid letting the dark clouds that now surround you totally consume you. Buck is in the early post-stroke days so a good deal of  healing and recovery is still possible. So don't give up hope. Easy to say but hard to do, huh?

If your finances are as depleted as you indicate, you should qualify for Medicaid and if you do that you should be able to get good nursing home care. Medicaid is pretty strict with nursing homes so if they are footing the bill they will not allow the kind of abuse that you have encountered. And if they do, you can blow the whistle and the might of the federal and state governments will tear into the offender. You may also qualify for other forms of public assistance including food stamps. Don't let pride stop you from seeking the benifits you are entitled to receive. Remember, you earned them with all of your years of hard work and tax payments. What happened to you and your husband is not your fault nor is it his. So find out what kind of help is available and set out to procure it without a shred of doubt or shame. It's a pity that in this country more services aren't available for folks like you. I mean, you've worked your butts off and poured your heart and soul and resources into your work and now, through no fault of your own, a crisis has hit you. 

As you may or may not know, disabled people of any age can also qualify for Medicare and Social Security so be sure you explore those options too. Medicare can pay for outstanding medical treatment and disability benefits can provide income. I know it is hard to focus when so many things are raging but somehow you'll need to find a way.

I wish you and Buck nothing but the best. You strike me as strong people and I hope you can draw upon the strength to get you through all of this. Good luck, my blog acquaintance. Know that many thoughts and prayers, from me and others who are aware of your situation, are with you and with Buck. Take care.

--Ron

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Ron, nursing home abuse is rampant in our country. We've been fighting my mom's case for 8 years along with several other families against the same facility. We have complained and filed lawvsuits. The place is worse than ever and continues to thrive. The real key is how many family members do you have to watch over your loved ones care? Even with the best insurance abuse happens over and over. At some point sadly, it looks like I will have to accept our fate. This is when Faith in God comes in. All I can do is Pray that he doesn't suffer too long. If you know of a case where medicaid or medicare stepped in and slapped some hands, I would love to hear it. They don't care and continue to write checks for nursing homes that continually abuse patients. The government simply doesn't care. I have been fighting this cause on a daily basis for over 8 years. God help people that need nursing care. It is run by a politically corrupt system that is getting worse by the day. The politicians won't dare mess with this because it is big money for them. The tragic truth is our government is not for the people anymore nor has been for a long time. We are slaves to it. There wouldn't be such interest in running for offices if there wasn't masses amounts of money to be had. God will sort it all out. Makes me absolutely sick what our society has turned into.

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Mine too Molly. Not  looking good for him.  Keep on doing your best for him,visit whenever you can, see if you can get friends to visit too.  Every person who sees him will be  extra eyes to help you out it it comes to court.. 

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Thanks Sue. Seems like our country goes out of its way to separate families. This makes it extremely easy to prey on nursing home victims. My stomach is just churning constantly.

 

I finally called the police down in Florida after I found his estranged brothers address online. He called me after they went out to his house with the news. He thanked me and I gave him the news and number to the hospital. I feel a tiny bit better knowing that his family has been notified.

 

I have got to do something for me one of these days. Seems like all that has filled my life is one loss after another. I do have good support from my family, especially my older cousin that lost her daughter in 2009 from a wrong diagnosis. We talk almost every night. Wish we didn't live so far away.

 

A new friend calls and makes sure I get out. Wish there were some clubs I could join but can't seem to find anything I'm remotely interested in.

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Hi Molly,

Buck fights for you of course. Good job locating brother and maybe some healing will come of it. I am impressed with your resourcefulness and dedication. I do hope you get some time for yourself to recharge and of course when you look good you feel good and vice versa so take time for a beauty day.

Perhaps one of the team can make sure you are able to get out to see Buck soon. I am glad to hear you have support and most importantly someone to share your grief with nightly. I feel your rage just radiating off the page and I think more needs to be done to police the nursing homes especially the ones taking those who are most financially vulnerable. It is intolerable what Buck has endured. I believe that no matter how reputable a place is, it is only as good as the staff member taking care of you. Nice places employ jerks sometimes too. 

My hope for you is that you may find support and comfort perhaps in a support group where you may vent these feelings and perhaps network.  Your voice is important and I hope you will continue to get the word out about this important issue that we all perhaps will face someday somehow. I encourage you to not give up.

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Thanks Sassy. I looked for a group to join early on. I contacted a grief center. Since Buck is technically alive I was told that I did not fit into a group. Considering my story someone from the community donated the fee for weekly one on one meetings with a counselor. I feel they are learning more from meach than I am from them. I long for talking to others that may be going through similar circumstances. I even put listings on Craigs List under community but got no response.

 

2 months ago today I had no idea my world would change forever in all aspects. I am now working on adopting Bucks kitties out. These two really bonded with him and don't understand what happened. He would take Simon for car rides each morning when he went for breakfast. Simon also misses his evening stroller rides with daddy. I've tried but he only bolts so that isn't safe. Why is everything so hard? Just want to go back to work and move on. Yes, I am thankful for the support I do have.

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