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Is it my fault?


catbeleu

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I use to wonder what my Mom ment when she said "Be careful what you ask God for." I have been pondering the past years over and over in my head and thoughts of how things use to be come pouring through. Me, working and just doing each day whatever it was I wanted to do. Kids are grown and me finally free of a marriage that had ruled my every moment in life. Mike a free spirit riding his bike and playing in the band, no problems, nothing stopping him from just enjoying his day. Us coming together at a time which seemed so perfect! When BAM! Stroke! That mean monster that stole our lives. The people we were never to be again. In a moment all things are changed. I wonder why? Then as I lie there in the darkness something comes to me, remember when you use to pray to God that Mike would let you take care of him and see how much he needs you? Remember praying for God to show him he needed you in his life? Remember praying that he would one day love you as he had said he could never love anyone the way he did his wife that had passed? Well you prayed for it and now this is how you get it. Is this how God answered those prayers? Could this be MY fault? I have always thought God didn't answer my prayers. Maybe he does just not the way I wanted Him too though.

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Ah Cat, you know God didn't smite Mike down, just so you could take care of him.    It's just that we all want all happy ever after life we dreamed of, don't we?    I see couples older than us, walking together, and wonder why not us?   If any of this has to do with God answering your prayer, it would be that Mike accepted the help, that he needed.   Some men don't, instead they hate their caregiver and take it out on them.   Come on girlfriend!   God's not like that genie from the commercial that was asked for a million bucks and put all those 4 legged things out on the lawn :)

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Me too. I asked for Ray not to linger like Mum did and he didn't.  But I always see G-d as a compassionate father figure so for me He is there through thick and thin, good days and bad days.  Is he also a punisher?  I don't know.  I know my Dad would discipline me "for your own good", does G-d do the same?  I don't know.

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cat :

 

I know when adversity strikes we all have tendency to find someone to blame and with ton of whatifs. for lonest time I thought I must have done something bad in my life to deserve this, till I read when bad things happen to good people by harold kushner. It opened my eyes. simple message in his book is God does not play dice & God does not do good or bad things. Things just happens God gives us strength  in right form of people  and whatever we need to get through this adversity. I also feel all of us have immense inner strength within us, sometimes when we are not able to retrieve it since we are in midst of it & that time God provide us resources in our life to retrieve that inner strength. I hope you stop blaming yourself for Mike's condition.  God works mysterious way in every one's life

 

Asha

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I have wondered similar thoughts of late ( in my addled mind) -- could it be god gave us what we wanted 4 yrs ago ( although we gave dan back to god ) maybe deep down we all prayed and prayed and god like a parent does like we all have done to our children - gave in and said - OK my child i am giving you aha you asked for …. and now we all live with the consequences ??? my own bitter sad - even grandious thinking… nancyl

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