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Just venting


catbeleu

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I vent here because there is nowhere else to say it. Sorry if I ramble but just need to get it out of my head. I don't have anyone else to talk to so tag you guys are it! It's such a pretty day outside and I feel like I could just go back to bed, cover up my head and stay there till I die. Mike is getting more and more withdrawn from the outside world and nothing I can say or do will get him going. We talk all the time about things we will do but when it comes time to go he says he feels bad and wants a raincheck. I thought it was due to all the cold weather but now that it is warm and beautiful he continues to stay in the house watching tv or in the bed. I am absolutely going stir crazy! He says I can go places but I don't have anybody to go with! Everyone has their own lives and it seems like they have just forgotten about me. I use to get calls all the time from family and friends wanting me to do things or go places but that was when Mike needed 24/7 care and I couldn't, now that he is better it's like they don't want me around. My kids, who are all grown, only come around when they need something or when I lay a guilt trip on them and then they only stay a few minutes. The only way I stay in contact with people is through facebook. I feel like I am just shriveling up inside and withering away. For the life of me I can't get out of this funk I am in. I don't know what I have done wrong in my past that I am being punished this way. I pray all the time for guidance but never seem to get any answers. Is this what I was ment to be for the rest of my life? I use to get satisfaction from doing work in the yard but now I couldn't care less if it looks good or if it grows up around me. I have never been a shopper so going out to buy things or just looking doesn't do anything for me. I have been wanting to go back to work but Mike will not stand for it, says he can't do without me for that long all the time. Seems like he wants me in the black hole with him. I just don't know what to do. Seems like he is becoming more possessive everyday. Like I said I just came here to vent so no advise is necessary. Thanks for giving me a minute of your time. Sorry to have bored you to death.

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Hey Cat, sorry you feel so down.   Probably your friends got used to you not being able to go anywhere before, and don't realize things might have changed by now?   I hope you can set something up with them so you can get some "time off".   I have to fight for open time to go see my mom - half that battle is the time it takes just to drive there and back.    if she were closer, it would be easier to work in seeing her.    I really only have one friend I'm interested in seeing, and after she works all day, she's just glad to pass out at home!   

 

I've missed seeing you blog/post and often wonder how you're doing.

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My solution was routine, set a patterns so Ray knew what day it was and what we did on that day, I had plans for the day even if it was washing Monday, ironing Tuesday baking Wednesday and so on.  If it was fine in summer it was lunch outside on the verandah.  If Ray wouldn't come out I put the sandwich in front of him and took mine out.  In the end he came out too but it took a while before he did that. Me ignoring his calling out to me to get him this and that probably helped too...lol.

 

TV was for late afternoon and evening so never in the morning, Ray did word puzzles and had other activities in the morning.  I did housework in the mornings. Ray slept most of the afternoon so I did outside activities. Sunlight is a mood lifter so always felt better after doing some gardening.  We had a shopping day and both of us went shopping. We had so many medical appointments that they were also a source of "getting out of the house" as I included morning or afternoon tea out as part of that.

 

The biggest contribution to my sanity was Caregiver Chat and the support of the people on there, them for me and me for them made a huge difference to the way I saw life. Sharing my worries whether in a blog, in a post or in Chat and getting some good positive feedback made a wonderful difference  to me and how I felt about our life together.

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Thanks Sandy and Sue. I guess I just let my emotions get the best of me sometimes. I just hate this! I know Mike hates it even more so I have to be cautious with how I let my mood swing in front of him. It did do me good to blog on here, guess I should do it more often. As far as chat it's not really at a convenient time for me so that's why I don't join in more often. I did enjoy it when I had a chance to join! Maybe I will try to figure out a way to get on more often. You guys always make me feel better and I am so thankful I found you! Prayers and hugs to you both! Hope you have a great memorial day weekend!

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Cindy - no advice, but just want you to know I am glad you chimed in and updated us. And you and Mike are in my prayers. Debbie

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I understand where Mike is coming from. From my experience after a stroke, withdrawal seems to be the easy way out. Mike needs to understand you need some "girl time". I would suggest contacting the old friends and try to rekindle the friendships. Also, leaving him alone is not fatal. He will survive it and if you make some of the activities things he may enjoy he might start coming along when you make it clear you are going with or without him. Tough love but sometimes necessary.

 

After a stroke it is easy to focus on the physical issues, but the mind has new needs and problems as well. Good luck.

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