Next Wednesday at about noon will be my 1 year anniversary. That has been weighing on me for the last month and making me withdraw a bit while I evaluate everything my wife and I have been through.

I'll start by saying my wife has been a rock and my greatest advocate. Woe be to the doctor, nurse, etc that she thinks is not providing an acceptable level of care. I'm only as good as I am now because she made sure everything was as it should be and she pushed me onward. That started when they told her I was in a coma and not expected to survive, only recently have I regained my ability to function without some level of assistance, so she can mostly relax now.

One thing I have that many us us don't is a well defined and authoritative cause for what happened.They know what happened and why and how. Nobody's fault really, sometimes things just go sideways in surgery and the outcome is sub-optimum.

So, some things I've learned...

Dying is easy, just let go. It is actually quite peaceful and tempting. Choosing to live on the other hand is hard and clawing my way back to the living and my wife and family was the hardest fight I've ever had. After that nothing is scary anymore.

Most things people think are big deals, aren't. Hopefully they never get to meet the big deal we live with. It is a beast with a hunger to consume us if we let it, don't let it drag you into the darkness of self pity and doubt.

People are a bit afraid of us. We represent mortality. Some friends won't be able to deal with it on some level, let them go gracefully. Embrace the friends who stay and the ones you get after the stroke, they get it. Bonds will form that can never be broken. I remember the first day I came home and a couple friends came over to outfit my bathroom with rails because they just wanted to help. They continue to be there when I need them and I'm there for them. True forever friends are precious.

We improvise, adapt and overcome. Lots of people talk about it, we live it everyday.

Doctors keep us alive, nurses and therapists put us back together.

Final thought - Patience is our best ally. Too many times I thought that 'this is as good as it will ever get'. Then I wake up one morning and realize I can move a finger or the brain fog is lighter. Baby steps and savor each victory for a victory it is. I never would have thought that one day I would cry over being able to open my hand a little and then feel it necessary to tell my therapist 'watch this' and feeling like I had slayed a dragon.