So true Nancy.    Caregiving depends on 2 things:

1.  if you can

2.  they would be happy

We all know the caregiver has to be able to do it.   But the other half of the equation is how the survivor chooses to re-act to his situation and interact with the caregier.   If they take it out on the caregiver, they are limiting how long the situation can go on.  They are cutting their nose off to spite their own face.   

Caregiving-- I did it until I couldn't do it anymore.... effects everything-- I can not caretake even for my own grandchild, not much anyhow.. I have trouble when dan has a accident when I visit. I leave the room. Not one more day, one more hour or minute can I do. Although this is gradually resolving.. It all hit me like a ton of bricks. Bam ! one day I was done..... but then again I was very sick, and had to give up the ghost, so to speak.

Nancy: all of us here, caregiver and survivor alike, know that our situations are unique. We give and take as best we can. We use everyone's experiences to assist us in our everyday dealings with stroke. Certainly there is tweeking, because the one, most frustrating fact about stroke is that no two are alike.

The beauty is that none of us judge anyone else. What works for you and your family - God bless you! And thank you for sharing, because most of us have no one else who has the insight into what we are dealing with. Life itself is dynamic - how often we find ourselves at forks in the road. So what works now, may not work down that road. All of us, here, know that. The brain is uncharted territory - you just never know what is going to pop active again or just decide it is time to quit.

My Psychologist said to me several weeks ago that guilt is not productive. It is like walking through a rainstorm in the mud and that grainy, sticky feeling in your shoes never goes away-no matter how dried out they get, how many times you brush them or even wash them. There is no forward movement with guilt because that grit in your shoes reminds you, all the time.

As your brother advises, you work through that guilt. Find strength in knowing that the best is being done for you, your family and Dan. Make adjustments as you need to and just try to get through another day. Debbie

As has been said: hold on loosely but don't let go......if you cling too tightly, you're gonna loose control. 

I'm on my own break right now so I can see a little more clearly.