The day has come where my relationship with my son is almost at an end. I was right to be on guard when I thought things were getting better. My ex who never had an issue with how I talked to him before, now has an issue. I can't even ask him if he wants to go to church. I have to ask my ex and they will ask him if he wants to go. I have been taking him with me since November with no issue. He was upset because I poked him when he fell asleep in church. He can tell my ex he was upset about that, but I didn't hear anything about how happy he was about going to IHOP afterwards. He can tell me how much he likes going to another church where we did some volunteer work, but can't tell my ex. It seems he has said he doesn't care to be around me. That when I ask him questions about why he is acting different has made him feel uncomfortable. He is only tolerating me because he doesn't want to get kicked out. Yet, when I am with him things are fine. He even took my camera so we could take selfies. I know he doesn't like it when I correct him, but he is a child. If he is doing something wrong I will say something. This has not been a problem before why now.

The information about what my son said came from my ex's current girlfriend. Not my ex. The current girlfriend sent a message to my best friend on Facebook. How mature are you for that? She was asking why my best friend had not accepted her friend request and to let her know that I could stop trying to figure out who she was. I never did try or ask about who she was. According to my ex that was a misunderstanding. A misunderstanding that my ex probably started. After that message, me, my best friend and current girlfriend went on a three way conversation. We only had a three way because my best friend was going back and forth between us. My best friend was trying to tell her that everything being said about me was wrong. Girlfriend of course told my ex what I said. That's fine, but don't lie about me and don't think I will not say anything. Besides hearing what my son supposedly said I had to hear about how my ex was by my side while I was sick. First, I hate when people refer to my stroke as being sick. To me being sick is with a cold, flu, etc. I had a major event that landed me in the hospital twice. Now my strokes are being used as how they supported me? I gave my ex credit for being there for the first stroke, but when it came to my second one where I was in the hospital much longer they were a ghost. Yet, where was the talk about how I went to the ER numerous times when my ex was sick because they refused to see the doctor about their own illness. My strokes should not be used for brownie points.

I did talk to my ex again about what our son said. I was once again reminded he is not my biological child. If they have a conversation with him it's between them. I don't need to be included in it. I was also reminded by my ex why we are no longer together. Because I have a nasty attitude and I didn't love them for all their flaws that I had listed. Only place I listed flaws was in my diary. My ex had read my diary and told my friend about this when we broke up three years ago. That statement just confirmed it. I also intimidated my ex and made them feel uneducated. So if I am all of these things why are you in my home now? I know my ex is a liar but why do their words make me feel so ugly?

As much as it will hurt I have to keep my distance from my son because my ex has once again gotten into a relationship and they will cling on to that relationship no matter if it destroys another one. I also have to face the fact I may never see him again once they move out. I am afraid of saying hello to him now. I was warned by my friends who had the same experience in helping to raise a child that is not theirs. It's heartbreaking when men/women use their kids as pawns for their advantage.

With all this going on I have talked to my ex's dad who is also living with me. Big mistake. He was surprised about what was going on, but kept asking me how do I feel about getting back with my ex? I said I am over it. He kept asking me this question and would hug me and touch me a little bit more than needed. Last night he knocked on my door and asked if I am ok. I had not come out of my room since I came home from work. I said I was tired. We had almost 2 ft of snow and with my job we didn't have any days off. We are not used to this kind of weather. He hugged me again and tried to kiss me. He asked for one and I said no. "Really?" he asked. I said no again. He looked shocked but this is the last thing that I need to deal with. My ex is probably not going to believe me, but now it's seeing when they move out. I am hoping/thinking it's soon. I heard a lot of things being moved around last night. If they have not moved out then it's setting a date. None of this is healthy for me nor for this little boy who will grow up knowing he can treat me any way he wants and it will be ok.