teal's Blog

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doing what you have to, no matter how impossible




i think the most important thing i've learned since my stroke is that you have to be inventive to figure out how to do things.... like jean's rope on the doorknob trick (i figured that out when i moved into my own place, i used a leash for a cat or dog looped around the knob) - the first time i fell at the hotel was one of those need to figure this out things, i was upset that id fallen and needed to be helped up;but at the same time i was so pleased with myself for figuring out how to get out of a potential mess.... since the only phone in the room was way over by the door, my friends had made me promise to keep my cell on me at all times, had even lent me a small bag i could put around my neck to carry it in, well, this one morning i thought id be clever and when i was transferring from the bed to the chair i tried the "take little steps" like the ot had kept asking me to, instead of my patent pending "pivot-plop" method, the fact that the chair was positioned so that i was turning on my weak side may have contributed, too, in any case, instead of landing on the chair, i landed on the floor... not wanting to call for help, i thought maybe if i got on my weak knee and good foot and pushed up on the bed that i could get up high enough to roll onto the bed, might have worked if i could've kept my knee in position;but the pesky leg kept flopping over, so i figured i better break down and call... now id carried the cell like i had promised;but they forgot to make me promise to charge it.... so there i was sitting on the floor about 30 ft away from the only working phone and unable to get up, so what to do ? getting up myself wasn't an option, nor was waiting for the maid (id left a "no need to clean today" sign on the door) i cocouldn'trawl to the phonphone withy one side of me working, so i layelaidn totally on the floor and rolled like we did as kids, over to the door, sat up, grabbed the phone and called the desk asking for two strong men to be sent to my room (good thing i mentioned the wheelchair ior orythey'de wondered....) i was so proud of myself for figuring out to roll that it helped me feel less depressed and embarrassed about falling in the first place - another time my friend had driven me to try and get me to eat something and it had started to rain, a wheelchair is not fun in the rain, in case anyone wondered... anyway, shes not that strong and i hadnhadn't figured out the go up hills and over too high doorway bumps backwards trick, so we cocouldn'tet me in the door of the room, it was too wet to wait for help from the hotel, so i thought a minute and had her get my "to be used for standing only, not walking" walker, i stood up, just enough in front of the chair that she could get the chair enough onto the door bump that we could propel it the rest of the way with me on it - i was starting to doubt my ability to live alone after falling a few more times;but id never have admitted it to a soul - my stustubbornnessd determination had gotten me that far, i wasn't planning on giving up yet... imi'mssuming my not eating or sleeping at all contributed to my having problems;but more about that later - i wasn't ready to give up;but i must admit, id never believed all the naysayers that id be unable to do anything i put my mind to, until that month in the hotel - all through the three months in patient id continually done what people thought i couldn't;but now the reality of how life on the outside would be had started to get to me, maybe i needed the doubters to spur me on to prove them wrong; but i kept moving forward anyway, despite how i felt, because well, i had no choice, you do what you have to do.....



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