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just Chill


ksmith

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It has been forever Since I blogged last.

 

These past couple of weeks have been of roller coaster of emotions.  From losing my health insurance to ripping a brand-new contact lens, that is probably not covered through health insurance and had to be custom made for my eye, oh boy, it has just been a journey to say the least.

 

Now losing my health insurance isn’t what it sounds like but it is because I have been paying for my own private insurance for there was confusion with part B. (Long story for another day) but that doesn’t kick in until July of this year. So since I have part A through Medicare so technically I have insurance though part A only covers you if you are admitted into a hospital , so that really does no good for me.. I was set to get a consultation with my cardiologist for an ablation to my heart that is much needed.  Only to find out that they don’t take my health insurance and I’m NOT oing to pay for it out-of-pocket so I’m waiting till July to get the console. Which is fine as long as I follow the directions however I tend to have difficulties following directions. No caffeine no chocolate no excitement, there are the three rules I have to follow and I can tell you this morning alone, I’ve broken all three of them

Now about my contact lens. This contact lens isn’t your typical prescription contact lens. This is a lens that covers my eye completely blocking my vision much like a patch does minus straps. OK…covers my eyes, that’s a fallacy. It covers the Iris and the pupil of my eye, practically matching my color but of course, I have a very challenging color spectrum in my eye that makes it more difficult.  So it wasn’t exactly right but it was good enough to last me a couple days. It was very irritating. I’m not used to wearing contacts nor having anything in my eyes. Putting it in and taking out are very challenging for me but I was getting better. I was very upset.  I was so mad at myself for tearing it I was afraid I was going to disappoint the doctors but then I decided to stop and take a deep breath and go you know what sh*t happens. It is no secret to this message board that I practice the philosophy of Buddhism and today I went to my temple service. (What we call it.)  We have what is known as a Dharma talk which is basically someone talking about something that utilizes the thought processes and the philosophy that has been passed down for many generation within the Buddhist culture. And the talk today was about one of my heroes and recently lost Stephen Hawkings .  In the talk, the discussion was about how things happen to all of us and he figured instead of worrying about stuff that was out of his control, much like h his ALS, and instead he overcame the emotion of what was happening to his body by instead choosing to devote his life and is being, as well as he knew it would be, into science. That is much like I’m choosing to look at what this past week. Focus on the good.

Now for my other emotion that I’m not used to dealing with :: I belong to a group of friends that have introduced me to the motivational speaking of this one gentleman and the minute I saw this him good grief…my heart went nuts and it was like puppy love. I don’t know if he’s married. I  have not asked nor do I think anything is gonna happen from but I was just so excited that feeling still lived within the me. Now I may be overstepping, getting ahead of my skis but there is no harm in finding happiness at looking at a picture.  That only goes to show you that despite what ailments that you may have an what challenges that you have to go through your heart inside is the one thing that will keep you together and focused.

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There is never harm in looking or even the occasional daydream. You never know 😊. I hate that you ripped your lens/cover was it helping before that happened? I sure hope you'll be able to replace it I know how hard it is without insurance right now. It's like my same pain with getting a referral to an ENT for some issues that have to be addressed lately but unable to find one willing to accept my financial assistance program 😩. I will be so thankful when I can feel secure with insurance again and I bet you are too!

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yeah thankfully it was covered under a warranty.. whew... :sorry:  you are in my heart .. I hope it all works out soon  

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Love, crush or not, is always a good feeling as long as you know it cannot be reciprocated. Look around there might be someone almost as attractive among your present friends. After all it is almost Spring in your part of the world and in Spring a young girl's fancy may turn to love 😘

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kelli:

 

I thought I had written comment on this post, maybe I did & forgot to post it. sorry about your ripping of the lense, glad it is covered by insurance. I believe that things happen for reason & something better is going to come out of this hardship.  as long as you learnt your lesson, it hasn't gone wasted. will pray for you in your love & crush department.

 

Asha

 

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