• entries
  • comments
  • views

Anxiety/Panic attacks are so exhausting




I've been visiting my sister since July 4 and I've really enjoyed it. Today is Saturday and I will be going home at some point today...it's about an hour away. My brother-in-law has 4 children and they are here every other week...this week. I really enjoy being around them but they all can be disrespectful and mouthy to their dad and my sister so I know at times things get a little rowdy. Today is a day that they all use to clean and work on projects. The girls (I keep them every other week) were particularly irritating and didn't want to do anything. I never have this problem with them and my sister had surgery earlier this week so I took it upon myself to try to turn the table and get cooperation. Well I am not a screamer and I have a different way obviously of parenting (I have to remember I am not their parents) and my help wasn't taken as helpful I guess so I was shooed away from their room. So I began to vacuum the wood floor upset already even though I didn't need to be. But I could hear my sister and her husband screaming their demands and disapproval to the girls and I couldn't stop the anxiety from taking over. I turned off the vacuum and went outside because I was pouring tears and just felt my whole body so uneasy. My sister came out and said are you trying to get some peace and quiet and then noticed I was uncontrollably crying. She immediately said you don't have to vacuum. I told her I liked vacuuming and then she said it's ok Murrey was just telling Miller to brush her hair and she doesn't like it and then went back inside. She doesn't understand why I lose control and for me it's not ok. It's taken me roughly an hour to get myself calm and I feel like I have run a marathon. I just prayed and swayed...Please Lord help me to not have this reaction in front of all these family members. It is embarrassing and I don't like it at all. I really hate that I am not in control. It scares the kids. It confuses my sister and her husband. I just want to go to my room and close the door and shut down...but I am not home. This too shall pass.



Recommended Comments

It is horrible when you are at someone else's house and an argument starts. Hope you managed to find some peace eventually. ((( hugs))).

Link to comment

I concur Pam! Thankfully, I fell asleep just a few minutes after I wrote my post until 5:30 when I went home. Slept in my own bed, got some kitty love and yes found quiet peace. Thank you!😊

Edit: I am so sorry I meant Sue.Β :undecided:

Edited by tmciriani
Link to comment

it sounds like you were already overwhelmed, even before the vacuum incident. I tried once to watch my niece and nephew and my younger son at once and it lasted one day. I love them and like you've said, before stroke, in another life being around kids and/or a lot of activity was nothing to handle. Now, as I said before, I go into a panic at a shopping store with out my headphones to tune out the noise. It's not just the noise for me but my eye sight isn't the best. Mainly for the bouncing and I can't focus and comprehend what I'm seeing so I feel like I'm in a foreign country and don't speak or read the language. I feel like a shut in when I can't hang with my family doing some things but thankfully, my family are in the medical field and understand my barriers and try to accommodate me. But it still sucks . I try to choose my battles like this Wednesday my parents and I are going to a concert ( Doobie Brothers & Steely Dan) so I know I need to do NOTHING the day before to rest up or on Thursday, I know I need to veg out. Unexpected things are the worse. I can't plan for anything for sadly minute by minute my mood, or head health, changes in an instant.Β  Kitty love is the best Β  Β 

Link to comment

Kelli I feel so much more ok when you talk about the same issues I have too. I would never wish them on anyone but I feel understood in a way most can't convey. It's like when I tell my parents or my family that I am really tired in the middle of the day...it's not me being lazy. I am exhausted at times. Like tonight...its midnight and I have a horrible headache and I can't relax. But I have been away from my quiet room at my sisters since July 4th until yesterday evening and today I went with my step mom to my nieces gender reveal (she's pregnant) and I am literally spent....probably for 2-4 days. Thank you for getting it.

Link to comment

BTW it's a girl!!!! πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ’—

Link to comment


it must be so hard that your family just don't get it. Maybe it's because so many people in my family have had "invisible" chronic health issues like migraine, anxiety, depression, etc. I'm not saying we all "get it" to the same degree or even don't resent it when something goes wrong for one of us and a planned event just isn't going to include someone.Β  But we all accept that "invisible" things get in the way occasionally, and sometimes someone will head off for a "nap" in the middle of an event.Β  I can't really imagine what not having that must be like.

Congratulations on surviving the party, and congratulations on the new "niece".

Link to comment

You are the cool Aunt

your sensitive soul soaks up negative energy even when it is no big deal to others.

Homesick is a real entity even if you only have a quiet room. Our space is like there is no place like home. Click the heels beam me up.


I feel the energy in my chest like a burn and I am overwhelmed with energy adrenaline like I could run or scream and I cannot get the physical feeling to stop. I cannot will it to end. And my vision rolls. It is doubled. I cannot walk well like that. I cannot think. Then it just goes to crying oh boy I hate that. People are like why cry about it.


It takes music rest movies distracting me from stress.

I dislike any conflict. No one can understand my processing problems. I fall asleep on overload.

I need to sleep so much too. fatigue is just my day. eat sleep shower sleep . go out then come back and sleep.


You are strong independent and kind.The stroke stuff is real. We just wait it out. Accept that this is all ok because we are sensitiveΒ 

Link to comment

Pam you make so much sense to me. I can just simply relate to you. Thank you for validation and reassurance. It means a lot.

Link to comment
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.