Nancy you need to do what is right for you.

If you are going to have to move anyway what about a retirement community with an attached care home?  At least that way you will be living close enough to visit easily if/when he moves from your "house" back into full care, it would also give you access to in home assistance before then.

Whatever you choose, take your time and don't be guilted into anything. It is sad when his current home can't see the funny side of you pointing out crazy things that happen.

Nancy, from time to time during Mum's 11 years in care with Alzheimer's  I decided to bring her home. Each time I saw the Director of the Dementia Unit she said: "Think back to when she lived with you." and off I would go and remember sleepless nights, Mum's constant denial of everything I tried to get her to do, the affect it had on family life etc. And I changed my mind. With Ray it was simply that a person who needs three people to shower him simply can't live at home. End of story. So just think of a typical day at home with Dan and see if you could cope with that times seven every week of the year.

Nancy:

I think right now you are looking with different angle & thinking of taking care of him at home, you forgot how taxing it was on your mental health when you tried to do it all by yourself. Caregiving is not easy job. If you decide to bring him home, think about hiring full time help at home, so that you don't get overburdened

Asha

Nancy,

  I can understand your predicament.   The job, still caring for Dan at the nursing home and paying for his care.  But,  doing all of the work and getting a house handicap ready will be expensive and taxing for you.  It is so difficult to make that decision.  But, you have to look at all of the angles.  Especially your own health.

Ruth

So nice when someone knows what a snf is like. If you can do this for your Dan it will be a Godsend for him but a big commitment for you. Perhaps respite care can help you for free to get breaks. It may not be feasible so talk to staff to find out his needs. It could be a wonderful time for you both to reconnect. However it takes a village,get villagers around and be prepared so resentments never creep in to erode your relationship.

a snf can be the best care. ok they need supervision. But if he needs so much it could be unrealistic for one to do it then you are indeed providing him a safe,clean, accessible place. Perhaps reorganizing is just what you need. 

No guilt that your loved one is in a snf. many are. you must do what is in the best interest for the long term care. Things are not going to improve drastically for him as far as recovery, it is slow after a point so make a wise forever home decision. What about lifting, bathing,can someone come in.

Hospice???So many options. But yet limited. Choose wisely.

that was my 2 cents since I was asked.

I like these emomen !!!

well.... I guess the biggest things that jump into my mind are all the times when he would do the hunger strikes, and remember when he refused to get out of the van for 3 days and ruined it.   I remember him being very cruel to you... often.    At least when he's there, you CAN get away from him and just think of your own welfare.   I have no idea about ther money, is anything in his name still and if not, how long has it been out of his name?   Seems like medicaid could help pay?

I have thought and thought on it.. For now Im leaving it alone... as in I'll leave him in the nursing home. We looked at another facility, but Dan said no, it was actually nicer and cheaper but he seemed frightened of "change" so I'll leave him where he is at . I guess at the end of the day, we are surviving. So for now I'll leave it alone. Routine seems to be his answer, so he does his scanning at my work, is well behaved while there. Dans money is attached to him, no getting away from that. His stroke was work injury related. So its all paid through insurance, its just wasteful.... but as with all things... It is what it is.