Ya know Pam before my stroke I was a social butterfly. I loved being around people, loved meeting people, and pretty outgoing. Always have been. Now, however, I am a loner. People are loud to me and outside is a lot of times chaos to me. It saddens me to say I have no friends in real life anymore. I do miss how I loved that part of me. Oh I do have friends in my stroke support group locally. At least on stroke support group days or activities. My father gets angry with me "You need to get out and meet people. Go to a bar. Go out at night like I used to. Quit staying in that room.". I tell him I don't want to go out and meet people, or go to a bar at night. I like my room, it's quiet, calm, familiar. I like being alone which is hard when you are living with your parents. I am so different than I used to be. I am, of course, to myself a lot out of necessity. So far I am exhausted every time I think about doing what I used to do. Now you and I could color, talk about fashion, makeup, and gab all night til I couldn't anymore or one of us couldn't lol.  I suppose I am cool with pajama parties of 2. I dont think I have added to your post but added my thoughts. I like reading your blog. 

ayes Traci you and I are friends. Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts and share yours.

I tried to live at home for 1 year when daughter helped me, son helped too,and I had outside help but my children had to go live their lives. But I could not handle shame I felt that I was not myself,and other people moved on in life.  I have one friend from childhood who sends me a care box monthly. We are as sisters talking on phone. It saves me. I do not always find it always easy because she is part of real life. 

I think you are a good person I would enjoy spending pj parties with

I have difficulty with  these new people living here.   And some staff have been horrible too.  I used to have fun with 2 ladies who colored and played bingo. 

One nice staff cna asked me if I liked that pizza guy and those other women. They see me talking to one woman. I seem stand offish or- not happy. I just dislike their cruelty to one another. It is not as it seems. He is not a nice man despite buying food for the staff or residents. He is two faced. I never was fooled.

I will go play cards  double solitaire with my friend if I want. But I stayed alone this weekend. but called friend on Sat. nite. i put her on speaker. colored. had fun. i feel free.

i do not drive so i do not go out places.

This is not living.

but my friend encourages me to work hard to recover so she and I can  perhaps live together, travel, and if pain gets controlled.

Thanks for being my on line friend.

I enjoy your posts too and comments.

Just do what you want to now.  You have privacy in your room with parents, so enjoy that.  Life may not be what you wanted, but enjoy good health being aliive painfree and seek good companionsship.

we have this place to help each other

wherever you go,you make a difference with being you,your integrity.

your wit,humor,sunshine,wisdom,colors.

my friend said not to let others bring me down. 

Pam you are my friend absolutely. Hugs...I am thrilled you have a friend you can call and be you with, color and just relax. I do too.  Sometimes it melts the bad away. You're friend is wise...don't let others bring you down. My mom tells me this all the time. I think they are good words to hold onto. You are welcome and thank you!

Thank you🐘

🤺

oh tracy

and when i cannot sleep

i put on peter helland music

and i lie down with my arms over my head like i am floating on water 

something relaxing about the arms that way.

oops, Peder Helland

Oh I'll have to look his music up and try! Thanks Pam!

I liked reading your take on the inside of a nursing home. It helps me to remember Dans issues there as well. Its probably why he refuses to leave or socialize. Although the other residents are generally pretty elderly - not many are anywhere close to his age. But still,- what do I know, I don't live there and it is hard for Dan to communicate complex things like what you are experiencing. So thank you for your hard earned insight... NancyL