This is a difficult time.  I thought that I was getting hospice involved early.  But, William declined rapidly.  My best guess is that William may pass today or very soon.  I was so afraid that I would get up and find William gone.  I kept getting up every hour.   I am not doing my ritual gym thing this morning.  I want to be close by.  He is calm and peaceful.  He is not agitated like he has been. I actually did go to the gym..  Just later.

This will be a long and difficult vigil.  William is now resting peacefully.   He complained that his foot hurt him.  I offered him some pain medication which he refused.

I am blessed with wonderful friends.  I have had calls this morning from friends that have offered to sit with William and give me a break.   I will take them up on that.  I need to get to the gym and work off some of this nervous energy.  But, I have the hospice nurse coming out.  I do not know when she will come.  I sent her a text.   I need her help in changing the wet underpad. 

Hospice has been really wonderful.   I am able to keep William at home with their help.  He has been in and out of sleep all last night.  I will now have William in Diapers.  This will hopefully make it easier on me to keep William clean.

The bed control is not working.  I will have to call hospice and have them send somebody out to fix the control.  William ate 3 teaspoonfuls of applesauce this morning.   He did not know what it was.  

I was able to take the dogs out for their little morning walk.   I will be waiting around for the hospice med drop off.  Last time they said it was from 8:30 AM to 10AM.   I will make it to the gym after 10AM.  then I have a friend coming out at 3PM. 

I am spending more time sitting next to William.   I am not going upstairs and sewing.  I just don't have the concentration to do that.

Well, William rallied and was more alert and did not have that funny breathing the next day.  This waiting is not a fun process, but just part of life.

I really hate deaths at this time of year.  Thanksgiving and Christmas follow..   I am trying to think of what I plan on doing.  It has been just the two of us for long.  I may travel to my son's, tickets are not very expensive now.  But, I have 3 dogs.  Friends will take care of them.  But, I still hate to leave them.   I still need to ponder that idea.

I started this blog two days ago.  Wm rallied and is still hanging in here.  It is 2AM Sat. 9-8-18.  He is up and responsive.  Calm and peaceful.  Hospice sent somebody and they fixed the bed.  It was actually my fault.  The plug is connected to a wall switch.  I had the switch in the off position.  The guy said that the outlet was not working.  But, I didn't tell him.  It actually is working, I just had it in the wrong position.  My friend gave William such a wonderful gift.  She came out to sing for him.  What a marvelous voice she has.  She sang hymns to him.  It was beautiful.  The gift of music is wonderful that she shared it with us. Today the CNA will come out to help me bathe William.   I will head to the gym early and be home to await the day.  It is so nice to have hospice to call when I need help.  I have been told again and again that is amazing what a job I have done with William for so many years.   I know that other caretakers have done the same.  But,  from the comments,  it is not the norm.  They have all said that William is so blessed to have been taken care of so well all of these years.  I have been privileged to have been able to do what I have done.  Let me post this now.