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Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow





I am sad I not hear from my son

He not text and say he understands the misunderstanding on my text or explain his emotional outburst I  was not expecting. I hurt and miss him dreadfully.

Is he so mad he will cut off paying for my cell phone which not only gives me netflix but also enables me to schedule my medical appointments and transportation. Our phone jacks in room do not work and and I would need to use phone at nurses station. I appreciate he says to me that it is his turn. How sweet. But my children do not owe me. They gave me a gift of love.


My days are like the poem thing tomorrow and tomorrpow and tomorrow and tomorrow.....they blend in, some goodness is my hobby. I just got new books,pencils,Hooray. I have care. I have had pain everyday for 4 years. 1 year was at home, 3.5 here. I have survived and I recall lots of help I gave after my stroke as well as what I took from those who loved me. Yes I feel alone and I would never trade places, would never wish this on my worst nor best friend,I had a beautiful life I was blessed, but yes young I lost my life freedom and I call home this snf which will soon have new administration.


I am happy today. I missed support group for stroke,tbi,bcause it hurts to walk. I did not want to shower, get ready. Pain is exhausting. I stayed in bed this morning.





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Oh Pam HUGS. I'm sure your son would not be so mean as to cut off your phone, give him time to calm down and then try to explain to him that pain brings out the worst in people so no matter what you said/say he needs to know you love him and appreciate his help and compassion.


I do hope this can be resolved for you. and know that we love you too and would help more if it was possible.


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Pam :


don't project too far in future with your fears & create yourself unnecessary anxiety, sometimes written words can be mis interpreted, he loves you & won't act that way because of misunderstanding. Would you have done to your own children? He must be hurt thats why not communicating & taking break, don't read too much into it & create yourself anxiety. Family fight with each other & then comes around for each other in their hour of need.  Pain is no fun, I pray for your strength & relief for you. Also I know when I am hurting or frustrated I take out my anger on person who are closet to me, so usually my hubby gets my frustration. then I feel bad that poor guy if he gives up on us I will be screwed fpr life so better be nice to him lol. We have to be kind to every one who comes in our life




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Thank you.


It was a text he misumderstood about a subject matter he hates. I should have been wiser  and not even brought it up. My best friend bought a new tombstone for her son on the 16th anniversary. He was 16 and died in car crash, he hit a tree,speeding no seatbelt  thrown from car. They called her and so he died in her arms. Of course she suffered terribly, still does but healed due to other 3 kids and 2 grandkids.

I sent a text to my son saying I would trade places.

Ok strokehead. I meant like you say I would take her place in suffering,I love her as a sister,grew up together,but not in same state,I had met her boys but not her daughter who came later and anyway I would rather it be me suffering,ha it usually is, but i think sometimes harder to watch.

As in her case she fell apart using drugs,alcohol,but she hada mom,  kids,work and found a way back. Sje had lost s brother on car vrash a year after dad died from cancer unexpectedly he went quick after operation for stomach ulcer misdiagnosis.

Anyway her son was on her words her troubled one, as families have,and she felt guilt that he was drinking as she had,and she found liquor under his bed. I spent all night literally on phone with her comforting,but she not recall,she was wasted,and she would say you do not know,your kids are home safe. Oh that hurt me. SO


Then my son sent me a text saying i had sent him a text wishing he was traded with a dead woman's son who died in her arms


Oh and i had texted that my daughter was MIA so I now knew what never again seeing them means...to which he said well she is not dead.and my grandkids picture can be seen somewhere online.


And I was wonderimg why he was saying WTbeejeegees


Ok sure sometimes I blurt before thinking, and I wish my kids would be close again and daughter close to me and not keep grandkid away because she blamed me for her trouble with brother. There I saved counseling fees......


So I sent him text saying i did not want you traded,It was a saying I would spare my friend and take her place meaning suffering.


Is that even clear.

I feel like everything is a twitter catastrophy.

When I told THE best friend,she got confused thinking i would trade with her my stroke for her life and she said understandable.

I at least kept my mouth shut and did not say I woyld not trade my work and loves and travels for her troubles...and honestly said I never wish stroke on anyone.


I believe I have never made a real enemy in my life. Oh I have been disliked...differwnt views,jealousies, misunderstanding like my daughter believing she was not the favorite..

Oh wait,the wording on that will haunt me. I am happy for my girl,but son was a joy too. My exes will blab what exes do, deadbeats read from a script,and women can be caddy. I have done what I thought was right all my personal and professional life I have been ruled  by eth>love for helping others, but my own children not standing for me is stab.




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I have also had the same misunderstanding with my older son, over his leaving his wife and children in the lurch. I do stand by what I said but it was the wrong time and place. Sometimes my timing is way off. It has taken years to get back to a normal mother/son relationship. I hope you can remedy the situation easier than I did. Mostly it just blows over. Keep on doing what you do is all I can advise.

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Hugs, Pam...I know this must be frustrating and painful all at the same time. Time is your friend...unfortunately, electronic devices and social media sometimes are not. So many words are misunderstood... simpler times were sometimes kinder. I believe in the love of a mom and her child...time can heal many moments. 😉

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THANK YOU for listening. Really.

I am really flabbergasted.

I did not jump on it as they say...For once I am innocent. It was a misunderstanding....BUT it touched and triggered and brought out all the times I was NOT. My son'S anger and that I hurt him are killing me. I wish we talked but it would dig a trench. He says for the past 4 years...but it is all my sins of his lifetime. 


He said this weekend he would come but I doubt it now.

It will take a hurricane.

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