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I am sitting in a diaper.




I have a sinus infection,yeast infection,fungalinfection,and need to use a bipap machine but cannot breathe with my nose right now....


Nutshell of misery is enduring the virus that I am hosting in my body


My body that feels constant pain in my right leg for no reason except just because ...and it is not a belly ache as some mock.  NO it is burning at the stake pain, a live amputation. I Do So have a good pain tolerance!!!  I have been through labor and childbirth and a C section. Ok boys try being sliced in half to pop out a baby and then being stitched inside stapled outside and then pop a baby aspirin so I can breast feed safely. And foolish women sing the joys of experiencing the natural experiences so I did I until those double peaking contractions that failed to do much.....yes pain and me are old buddies.


This nerve pain is childbirth Godzilla steroid style. It is dental pain wile your finger is stuck in a light socket. Ok....so I am getting an implant to turn it down....does that prove it is a not normal pain yet???


So then my incontinence issue is not a thing except the stroke added more weakness so I wear a leak prevention pad....my ego identity is involved here...


So when I got to snf, they did not offer pads,but had pull ups or diapers. It took  no time to love pull ups. Easy convenient yet often leaky but ok I missed undergarments but never had to worry  about lost laundry....

But the home does not proedvide pull ups now

I cal)led the ombudsman twice.




She said the home is obligated to provide incontinence supply...and it did. Maybe not what I wanted but they did not have to provide pullups or pads. Not even maxi pads.


So I spoke to my PC, she understood and sent an order to the medical supply Co and......I was happy until it called me saying they do not deliver to nursing homes..they provide stuff.  Ok.


So I will.


Does any one get this get me?


Should I be taken at my level

...but they say     all the same....


No one comes to change me

See they said i am independent not incontinent.


What dictionary are the using?


I cannot talk anymore to statues.


But I am sitting in a diaper.

I am here. 

It falls when I walk.

Comes off when I pull up my pants

It sags to my knees and it is dry.


So they came in and said you need larger ones. I said I am swimming here. They brought bigger ones that are prettier color but when we put it on it was nearly a one piece bathing suit.  So back to other one. 


I will adjust to this.

As I always do.

But I  fight to not be in a wheelchair. 

It hurts to walk so bad.

When toilet was out in my room i used commode. Not a bed pan.not a diaper.


So they told me to change myself.

I need coordination.

I cannot do it.


So I will purchase some myself for outings but here I am in diapers.


Why is my identity fighting this.

I am having problems yes. 





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Oh Pam...I feel for you friend. I needed round the clock protection right after the stroke but then things seemed to act "right". Up until I had a cold. Coughing, sneezing, OMG just seeing the toilet has got me several times. I was hospitalized about a year ago for 4-5 days and on oxygen, had a blinding headache, couldn't sleep. It was awful and I begged for a sleeping pill. Which they did give me. I slept (once I got to sleep at 4 am) until the next day at about 6pm. When my daughter came in to visit. I had been unconscious the whole day, no food, no drink, as far as I know no vitals (I know that is not true). Either way, I woke up with my hair wet on the back of my head. 😱 I had peed a bazillion times through the diaper thingy. My whole bed was wet, my back, my clothes, yes I took a bath in pee. How do i come out of that with a little dignity. Thankfully, I don't remember a whole lot right after the stroke in the hospital. I do remember this (ok fellas this may be too much tmi...just saying. Pop out now if you wanna skip). I could not communicate but for a few single words not thoughts. I lay in that bed unable to walk without having someone on both sides to just the bedside potty in my room. Each time I cried and said "blood". No one understood, and they didn't see any blood until day 2. I went potty and the nurse was like oh my goodness did you start your period. I just started crying and said "blood". You see I had been having female issues and a month long period. 😑 I had a 2 day old tampon still there. I couldn't even fetch it myself. I was given these mesh hospital panties with an enormous pad insert. Hell I just prayed I'd make it back to bed, much less pull anything up or down or replace the inner diaper. So many times I got back in bed with those mesh panties falling off my butt because no one would help me and I couldn't do it. There was no dignity to be had...I was too unable to do more than cry about it. Anyways, I wasn't too exhausted to let the nurse go fish out the old tampon...I was thinking you need a little gross to touch your day. I still have to keep a supply of protection for the occasional need. I'm glad I can complete the needed steps needed to accomplish this. I've been there though...and it doesn't feel good. Dignity loses. It never feels quite right when you need precaution. Being women it is common after childbirth and after years but it still never feels right. Add in what stroke managed to weaken and well...their is no good follow up here. I hope you get it sorted and help when needed. Pam I think I have a little monster in me...I'm just like well no one wants to help me...let's see what happens. 😡 That is lack of dignity talking. (((Hugs)))

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Pam, I don't know what to say apart from I hope it is temporary. I have not had this happen to me but Ray was in a diaper for several periods of time over the years and then for the last 15 months of his life. One of the reasons I went to the nursing home daily was to make sure he  was clean and dry. The care is so much better if you have regular visitors, it seems to keep the staff on their toes. I wish I was close enough to drop in from time to time.

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