Sue beautifully written. 44 years... You know a thing or two about marriage. A well earned right. I can't even imagine your view... Thank you for sharing it. Wisdom from a long memorable marriage is something so many need to hear. In America it is the norm rather the few who divorce... me included. I smile when you speak of Ray and that your marriage was work, filled with ups and downs, the "things" you guys did for each other. The reality that is now... it's lonely, you miss your partner in life, everything always brings you back to memories of your life together. Wise - wisdom. I truly hate that the now has you meandering this life without your Ray. My heart goes out to you Sue. I see you as an inspiration for many. 

I am praying for you, that all your upcoming medical choices all go through without any issues. Have much fun with your visitors coming. Those days will be filled with memories to carry along with you. Thank you for sharing. 

Dearest Sue,

Now is filled with challenges, obstacles that are not deserved by one who lived a life as selfless as you did. But somehow I have a feeling that Ray lurks in the background, just like that movie, an old black and white....what is it....anyway true love lasts to give strength, not misery,yet we long,and miss happy days.

My true loves were my children.

I dream they were little again. I rode in a van I used to have. Miserable ride. I did not cry though. I miss driving, freedom, my children, all of our outings

Being a Mother. All those vacations,still never enough.

 Sue Enjoy Now with grandkids to give them memories,stories of 44 years. I see you and Ray early 60s, over down under,riding trains in open country, buying a little fixer upprer, making a life! Wow!

I feel you,Sue. Surgery is terrifying. But follow your zensibilities. Lol. Hey look, I made up a NEW GOOD word.

Recovery takes planning. My old professor was a counselor,taught me how to work with my school teenagers in groups,and put us through it. She told story that we need comfort. She said she had a favorite teddy bear. And when she had surgery she put her teddy bear on the couch along with her favorite throw blanket. She talked about how it was there to comfort her. She was very happy just see it when she got home and it helped her soul which helped her body heal. She reminded me that we are more than just what our bodies are. We are souls. I think sometimes I forget especially on my body is causing me way more problems then my soul is. And I guess I should be grateful that I am not as concerned about my body when I am taking care of my soul. She taught me that it was okay to be vulnerable to be afraid and to be comforted. You see my family it was always about not taking pain medicine and being strong I'm not shedding a tear and not saying that you were fearful and everything was just fine. That is a lie. Things are scary, hurtful, lonely in real life. Bodies hurt,souls hurt. It is no sin to want pain relief. For all that hurts us.

So be comfortable.do what you must. But you are a warrior too.

God bless your procedures.

You give lots of love so it will return to you.

Thank you for your kind words Pam. I am just waiting now for the three specialists to work out what the most necessary operation is and where it needs to be done. Waiting is hard but I simply fill in the days with my usual routine. Life can be good whatever your circumstances.

Sue,

As usual your writings are so inspiring.  I hate to hear that you have medical issues to deal with.  But, yes I understand the day to day life that a caregiver has.  It has been almost 8 months since William passed.   Yes, like you, I sometimes think that I hear "Ruth, where are you?"   .   I have been keeping myself busy.  I Spend hours at the gym and physically exhaust myself so that I sleep soooo well.   I have gotten involved with the church and made new friends.  Life has been good to me.  I still love learning and take classes at the local community college.  

Please take care of yourself.    I pray for you constantly.

Ruth