If no news was good news life would be so wonderful. I have paperwork in for both operations in two different Sydney hospitals now with a pre-admission interview on the 11th for the aneurysm clipping operation. I know you all know the importance of this operation as it will save me having a stroke, at least that is the way I am choosing to look at it. With a good surgeon and a lot of prayers it should be fine. I am not looking forward to it but I am no longer afraid of it.

We have just had the first really cold days for the start of winter, record snowfalls for  May in some of our little towns near the Southern Alps. It is time to turn out the cupboards and find the winter woollies. I might need to get out scarves and gloves too if yesterday was anything to go by. I will probably need to look out bedsocks and shawls to wear during my convalescence. Not counting on anything at the moment as  I will find out more details at the next couple of meetings. Anyway no harm in getting ready for  whatever the future holds.

I am not as active since my last hospitalisation for the infection in my affected leg, it seems like my lymphoedema increased in my affected leg so that seems more log-like than before. I am also conscious that I walk differently now swinging my left leg more slowly than my right and I am doing shorter distances too. It is  nuisance more than anything but does affect my confidence. I find stairs are a challenge too and I am mostly walking down them sideways with my back to the rails. A bit awkward but hey! I am still on my feet and that is the main thing.

Apart from that there is still a lot to enjoy in my life, morning tea or lunch out with various members of my widow friends groups, church meetings, craft, Lions and other activities. I like a variety of things to do and mostly enjoy some activity each day. I am more tired than I used to be, after 2.30pm I find myself wanting to head for home or find somewhere to sit with my legs propped up. This has been coming on slowly but I certainly know the difference that losing the lymph nodes made to my  overall health and wellbeing. I have finally got rid of the chest infection, had it for almost four weeks. I am sleeping better now.

The short days means I try to fit gardening in after lunch. There is not a lot to do except keeping things tidy but with no rain for four weeks I have been watering a couple of hours each week. I had three different chrysanthemums flower just before Mother's Day which was a surprise.  Shirley and family came down for Mother's  Day lunch and and brought me another chrysanthemum which can be potted up once the flowering is over. I also have five different bromiliads in bloom so that was a beautiful surprise too. I have always enjoyed pottering in the garden. The herbs are finished though, I will renew them in Spring.

I am not sure how the next few months will go, Trev would love me to go out to Broken Hill to stay with him for a week as I usually  do at this time, last year I was there for my birthday, but I can't go anywhere right now. I am glad Ray can't see me like this. I still "see" him here in my mind's eye. Funny how that happens for a long time after they have gone. Those 44 years were the major part of my life. Despite my efforts to live a full and satisfying life the loneliness is still a major factor. No way to overcome that.

So that is my whinge for today. Not exactly a pity party, just a blog about the uncertainty of my present life.