I read our Sarahs reply on her latest blog. Vicious cycle she said. Perfect wording for our lives. I to, although have come so far - feel that vicious cycle . I get up go to work, go for lunch go get Dan from the nursing home. Usually have to fix something - his glasses , pick something up off floor or figure out who he is mad at and why. Its kinda routine thing for Dan to always want or need someone to jump. But I don't dwell on it like I used to. 

Then we leave the home, go through Mc Donalds to get his daily meal ( the only thing he will eat). We then drive to the house so Dan can eat his meal while I run in and check on the cat and the house , pick up mail -- etc. 

Then him and I go to my work - he goes and sits in the bathroom for like 1/2 hour . Comes out stamps the envelopes of the mailing my boss and I completed in the morning . Then he scans old legal files for about 3-4 hours. Then to the bathroom for another 1/2 hour ( the more I hurry him the slower he goes). Then we leave work. Then I'm faced with - nothing - nothing to do - of course there IS something to do , but we've done it all so many times before. Go out and eat, go see grandchild ( who incidentally usually is never home cause he is a busy boy)- lol. I could and do take Dan to the house... Unload wheel chair , walk him in - maneuver the steps -- try not to let the cat out , crap! there goes the cat-- lol

Back to the bathroom - out- watch TV ( right now when weather is nice , we sit on the patio ) then Dan wants to sweep the patio. Go get the broom , sweep up and dump the stuff Dan swept up.... Then we head over to Mc Donalds - Dan gets his meal and I take him back to the home... 

At the home I wash up his torso, underarms , groin etc. lotion him .. Put clean shirt on him, then he sits in the bathroom for- I'm told- sometimes- hours. After the washup is done, I leave -- it's usually like 7pm then. 

So sometimes I'll go have a martini and the only bar in town that can make one - or I'll go home and make my own. Then I graze from the fridge -- lol--- thankfully now with the weather being nice I'll sit out on the patio water the plants and watch the cat.. In the winter I just go to bed and watch TV. 

Im not sure if Im content or complaining at the time I am writing this - lol---- I guess both. I like the fact we have established a livable routine for the most part. But the pure predictability of it all--- grrr and the waiting and always looking for the next thing that dan needs, a kleenex? another bathroom break-- oh pick that up ? it bugs you..... ??

So it is a vicious cycle ------- I guess its the responsibility of it all. Its hard -- I miss being able to just go- no thought of last time he has used the bathroom, what has he eaten, should I expect a mess? Fitting the chair in the car, remembering the cane--I have managed to overcome a lot , So I imagine this to shall pass-- lol . 

Actually Dan has a new desire on the horizon ---- Gambling has raised its ugly head..... He wants to go to the casino ( 2 hours away ) a lot--- So Im trying to keep that little addiction from running and ruining our lives.... He has always liked slots a little , but right now - he would live there . Funny - the mans in a wheelchair , can't hardly talk but still gets his way-- But not always- He is playing with the" no eat card" - if I don't take him. HMMMMM we'll see how this plays out.