Well I am finally in my new home...well new for me. Still getting settled. I've met a very kind and smart doggie he is a chiwuawua. He comes to visit me if i'm outside at night sometimes. All I have to say is "Go home." and off he goes. My neighbors on the other side of the duplex do not like me i dont think. I had some issues with the parking situation when i first came. It is just one lady that lives there she is mentally challenged and requires assistance 24/7 so there are always at least 3 extra cars around the area. They were parking in front of my house and in front of the mailboxes. I don't do well on uneven surfaces so going to the mailbox was scary (on a hill). Anyway, I talked with my managing company and they told me everything was against the "rules" that we both signed in our leases and they would take care of it. They contacted the ladies' employer and when that didn't work they contacted their boss and then their bosses boss. The cars are no longer parking in front at all. I live at the end of a dead end street and have a full side (paved) for plenty of parking. Anyway, I don't think I am considered a great neighbor. oh well. I'm really very nice.  For the first week my daughter stayed here with me as she waited to move into my room at dad's until i had the carpet cleaned. She said it was to help me unpack. I absolutely love my daughter but we press each other's buttons and are each other's triggers. We can make each other have a panic attack. I have slept here by myself for the past 3 nights and I have needed the rest mentally and physically.

Kitty loves it here I think. She is playing with her squeaky mouse a lot and has 2 places to sit and sun and look out either the front or back window. I'm planning on getting her interactive puzzle things that she can play with and get a treat. She has become less active and her vet said she was a senior kitty. She is approximately 10 years old. She is my baby. I'm so glad we are here together.

I went to see my Psychiatrist this week on Monday. I really needed to see him...everything cognitive has gotten worse and I have been having panic attacks often. I told him I feel it is all the stress of the last two months and the stress of the move or at least I hope. He talked to me for some time about the kind of stroke I had and everything I have noticed. He brought up a word for the very 1st time...and it is a word i am terrified of...Dementia. In 6 weeks when I go back and things have settled a bit he wants to do testing for cognitive and memory things. He wants to get a baseline. His concern is not that I can be diagnosed with that now but it is possible in the future. It's different from Lewy body dementia...alzheimers. It happens over a very long time...the changes...and usually not complete. He told me he has been to seminar recently on the very subject and what science says is that there has been a problem in the past with diagnosing this. Many have never been diagnosed until it was too late and an autopsy was being performed and they found the brain changes. The best thing to do is keep a watch...get a baseline and hopefully will never need to use it. He also said eat whole foods as much as possible, no boxed or manufactured stuff. Eat organic when you can. Reduce sugar intake...especially refined anything. The number one important and most helpful factor is some form of excercise about 30 minutes per day. No need to kill yourself but don't doddle either. Science says that is the #1 way to reduce your chances for cognitive decline. I already have cognitive decline so it is especially important for me. My stroke continues to leave me with a lot of cognitive deficits. It's a lot to think about.

I'm trying to keep my mind busy and my body. I've been so tired. I'm trying to keep myself in check and get out of the house even for a little while. Reduce the urge to be alone. Believe it or not it is an urge. Life is exhausting to me. People are exhausting to me. Places are exhausting to me. Sounds are exhausting to me. Smells, sights, thoughts...everything sensory is exhausting to me. My urge is to avoid, but it is not what I should do. This is so frustrating.

My house is perfect, however. Two bedrooms, a great kitchen, a patio out back, a porch, really cool shelves with doors located between the wall joists, a storage room you get to from the back outside, my washer and dryer fit but I do have to leave the folding doors off that normally closes the area. I'm glad mine are actually nice looking and compliment the decor.

I'm going ahead and posting this unfinished blog. A lot has happened and I haven't been able to finish it.