• entries
  • comments
  • views

The Chapter is Beginning




Well I am finally in my new home...well new for me. Still getting settled. I've met a very kind and smart doggie he is a chiwuawua. He comes to visit me if i'm outside at night sometimes. All I have to say is "Go home." and off he goes. My neighbors on the other side of the duplex do not like me i dont think. I had some issues with the parking situation when i first came. It is just one lady that lives there she is mentally challenged and requires assistance 24/7 so there are always at least 3 extra cars around the area. They were parking in front of my house and in front of the mailboxes. I don't do well on uneven surfaces so going to the mailbox was scary (on a hill). Anyway, I talked with my managing company and they told me everything was against the "rules" that we both signed in our leases and they would take care of it. They contacted the ladies' employer and when that didn't work they contacted their boss and then their bosses boss. The cars are no longer parking in front at all. I live at the end of a dead end street and have a full side (paved) for plenty of parking. Anyway, I don't think I am considered a great neighbor. oh well. I'm really very nice. :smile: For the first week my daughter stayed here with me as she waited to move into my room at dad's until i had the carpet cleaned. She said it was to help me unpack. I absolutely love my daughter but we press each other's buttons and are each other's triggers. We can make each other have a panic attack. I have slept here by myself for the past 3 nights and I have needed the rest mentally and physically.


Kitty loves it here I think. She is playing with her squeaky mouse a lot and has 2 places to sit and sun and look out either the front or back window. I'm planning on getting her interactive puzzle things that she can play with and get a treat. She has become less active and her vet said she was a senior kitty. She is approximately 10 years old. She is my baby. I'm so glad we are here together.


I went to see my Psychiatrist this week on Monday. I really needed to see him...everything cognitive has gotten worse and I have been having panic attacks often. I told him I feel it is all the stress of the last two months and the stress of the move or at least I hope. He talked to me for some time about the kind of stroke I had and everything I have noticed. He brought up a word for the very 1st time...and it is a word i am terrified of...Dementia. In 6 weeks when I go back and things have settled a bit he wants to do testing for cognitive and memory things. He wants to get a baseline. His concern is not that I can be diagnosed with that now but it is possible in the future. It's different from Lewy body dementia...alzheimers. It happens over a very long time...the changes...and usually not complete. He told me he has been to seminar recently on the very subject and what science says is that there has been a problem in the past with diagnosing this. Many have never been diagnosed until it was too late and an autopsy was being performed and they found the brain changes. The best thing to do is keep a watch...get a baseline and hopefully will never need to use it. He also said eat whole foods as much as possible, no boxed or manufactured stuff. Eat organic when you can. Reduce sugar intake...especially refined anything. The number one important and most helpful factor is some form of excercise about 30 minutes per day. No need to kill yourself but don't doddle either. Science says that is the #1 way to reduce your chances for cognitive decline. I already have cognitive decline so it is especially important for me. My stroke continues to leave me with a lot of cognitive deficits. It's a lot to think about.


I'm trying to keep my mind busy and my body. I've been so tired. I'm trying to keep myself in check and get out of the house even for a little while. Reduce the urge to be alone. Believe it or not it is an urge. Life is exhausting to me. People are exhausting to me. Places are exhausting to me. Sounds are exhausting to me. Smells, sights, thoughts...everything sensory is exhausting to me. My urge is to avoid, but it is not what I should do. This is so frustrating.


My house is perfect, however. Two bedrooms, a great kitchen, a patio out back, a porch, really cool shelves with doors located between the wall joists, a storage room you get to from the back outside, my washer and dryer fit but I do have to leave the folding doors off that normally closes the area. I'm glad mine are actually nice looking and compliment the decor.


I'm going ahead and posting this unfinished blog. A lot has happened and I haven't been able to finish it. 



Recommended Comments

Tracy it is always good to hear from you and see into your world. Sounds like there are good and bad things about your relocation but on the whole you are happy there. Neighbors will always be a problem. The house on the west side of me was a rental for many years and some neighbors were wonderful and some I was glad to see go. Hopefully you will find some good people in your neighborhood who you will become friends with.

Link to comment

Tracy :


moving into new home is stressful, I am glad you are settling into it, & making your own now. Enjoy decorating, find your zen place where you can chill when world eels overwhelming, start having routine, go out for walk, nature is biggest healer of anxious mind, watch birds, read great books, life is wonderful once you start making routine & start following it. It takes 21 days to form habit




Link to comment

Making going out a habit sounds like a good plan, even if it's just a quick walk to the end of the street and back at lunchtime each day.  The house sounds wonderful, give it time and the neighbors situation should settle. They are just annoyed by change to a habit they formed while your place was empty. If you feel up to it one day, maybe call in and try to make friends.



Link to comment

Oh Tracy...a few tears reading that.

Big hugs to you, my dear friend. So much for you to process...what a daunting task. I think it's good you can talk to Kitty in your own home and have no distractions.


I'm so sorry you find yourself in exhausted mode...such a challenge to keep going and do things. 


As for your neighbours...oh well.  You have every right to walk to your mail box without fear or stress.

Link to comment

I want you all to know regardless of emotional whatever... I am so proud to be in my own place. This has been a long hard battle and I did it! Nothing will take that victory from me. All of the "other stuff" is just coming from my particular disabilities after my stroke... Don't worry I have not forgotten that I am a fighter and can kick some stroke butt lol. Janelle Kitty is still my point of solise. She's on my chest right now making biscuits 😊. Living by myself is opening the hidden doors I keep. There is a lot of quiet and my mind takes advantage. I think it is good. I realize so much that I have a lot of inner healing to do... Not just being a stroke survivor. It is exhausting, locking away emotional pain has only been a bad thing for me. I'm doing some spring cleaning...a very needed task. I just want to say I think so much of each of you. Positively an extension of my family. Haha see I'm a blubbering mess... I'm going through a very emotional sentimental time. I love you guys. ❤️

Link to comment

That's cool Tracy, we love you too. and there's nowhere like home to be a blubbering mess. So glad that being in your own space is letting you do that much needed "spring cleaning" Hugs for you and Kitty!

Link to comment

Aaaww...I so love the fact Kitty knows when biscuit making is needed!


You should be proud Tracy, you have come so far. I know I don’t need to remind you of the stumbling blocks you have had to face beside the stroke...


I love you too, and I’m so very glad you are my friend.

Link to comment
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.