Good read Gizmo! Particularly from my seat as a 70 year old.  I remind myself there are 10,000 things I can still do (in spite of my left side having mobility still but little sensation) instead of the 1,000 I can't. What I have come to dislike is this labeling that's done to everything these day. What started this was I had a few days of tears and sadness. My wife and caregiver asked if I was depressed. I had been thinking the "extra" tears already and knew it wasn't close to depression. The only time that was an issue in my life was post stroke almost 6 years back. I know what the crying was. I was angry again that this happened to me and was wanting to be 70 and not in this position. We have the right to be angry. It happens from time to time and I think it's healthy for me. "They" would like to say "Oh you're depressed. Here's a script.  uh-uh! I feel so very fortunate to be in the position I'm in but hesitate to go in much detail because I know some aren't. 

 Paying it forward. A great thing to do if we can. The local food bank was just sent a donation which will be duplicated if the dire need is still there next month. Very sad situation there. We also support the Shriner's Hospitals for Children monthly. It use to be St. Jude but I decided to switch. 

Will occasionally things do get to you that are actually fine most of the time. Knowing why the tears come is a big help in making them go away again for a while. At least that's what I find. Medication for it is warranted if/when it's getting in the way of your life. If it means you aren't getting out of bed or that you aren't eating properly it's time to ask for help. But if it's a few days of anger and frustration and most of the time you are fine then that's life, stroke or no stroke, and medication probably isn't needed, but it's a personal choice too.

Feelings are all valid and need to be acknowledged. what you do after that is up to you. Sometimes you can choose to wallow, but do try not let that be the default position, as you say there are still 10,000 things you can do and of the 1,000 you can't maybe there's a way to do them differently that will also make you feel better.  Like your charity giving, just because you always gave to X doesn't mean you have to keep giving there, if you think someone else could use your help more or better.

Thanks Heathber! Yes I knew where the tears were coming from. Same place as one, two maybe three months ago. Here's one for you. During one of those crying jags I'm riding my recumbent bike with my ear buds listing to inspirational workout music and tears running down my cheeks. Ha-ha!  Brother I think sometimes I'm my own best entertainment. I'm sleeping great for 2 reasons. I've given into the night owl life style which suits me best. My wife is out by 8 or 9 on the couch and that's ok but all that does for me if I do that is leave me wide awake at 2AM. The other is I refuse to feel any quilt about any sleep I want. I am and we are in some very difficult situations. It has been nice to not have a fatigued brain when trying to function. Eating for me I describe as eating to live and not living to eat. I am lucky to be married to the salad gueen. If I eat fast food it's big news to people who know me well.  

George:

your musing is always so inspirational. I also find when you are giving to others you feel better. I am so happy you lucked out in your wives choice. do you have any kids?

Asha

19 hours ago, Willis said:

Here's one for you. During one of those crying jags I'm riding my recumbent bike with my ear buds listing to inspirational workout music and tears running down my cheeks.

Yep there's something about giving in to the tears and just letting them fall that helps. Combining them with an exercise that doesn't need too much concentration is a great idea. I admit I usually just recline my chair,turn the music up loud and make sure I have a box of tissues handy. It doesn't last too long that way. If I'm lucky the cat will sit with me.

 I look at my occasional crying jags this way. Have any of you been to a park for kids that has a "Splash Pad" ? They are for summer days and they have all kinds of contraptions dumping water on the kids. One of them is a ring about 25 foot in diameter and 8 to 10 feet in the air. It has 5 or 6 different colored buckets spaced evenly around the ring. They each have their own water supply and they each constantly are filled and then tip over on the child standing below with each dumping at different times. They are on some type of pivot that makes them eventually spill when they become full and then refill again and repeat this over and over. They didn't have that stuff when I was a kid! So I see me and us as the buckets. We have a constant supply of challenges filling our buckets all day everyday and after so long that bucket becomes too full and needs to be emptied.

exactly perfect mental image

💖

Thx for all the great comments and stories. I hope we can all use this bad time in the world to reflect on ourselves a bit. Asha, no I do not have natural kids. The first wife was an insulin dependent diabetic and back in the early 1970’s childbirth was not recommended for type 1 diabetics. In fact, she lost a sister giving birth to a child, so we made the no kids decision. We did attempt adoption but being overseas for the first 7 years of our marriage, that did not work out either.

Lesley has a son and he and I get along very well and I am proud to consider him my son as well. When I leave this earth, everything goes to him after Lesley.