Hi Kellie, I get it!  I've always made a decent salary and had plenty of funds for holidays etc. when I wanted. But within 2 years of my stroke I discovered I was living outside my means for the first time in my life. It was a shock. During that time I was getting 75% of my pre stroke income via disability insurance. It wasn't really that much less but it was enough less that I couldn't do it in my head any more (or was that the stroke 🙂)

My Mum bailed me out with a lump sum payment, after she got me to do a written budget and an assessment of all the things I was spending money on and deciding what I was willing/able to compromise on. Like you I was living at home at the time and the house bills were being paid by my parents.  Since then I haven't had to ask her for help financially, I even managed the cut in salary I had to take a couple of years later because I could no longer do my technical job  I have also moved out on my own again.

Enough about me but yes I feel you and especially the not wanting to lean on your parents any more than absolutely necessary.  We know they will give us what we need regardless of what it means for their own quality of life, and we don't want them making sacrifices for us now we are grown up and supposed to be independent. I do recommend doing a formal budget of what your incoming and outgoings are and what of your spending is realistically changeable on a long term basis. Only make decisions about selling your place, accessing your savings, and/or moving once you know where you stand.  Write your backup plans down with their pros and cons and then make a decision and get on with doing it. I find the act of writing it all down gets it out of your head and stops you worrying at it.

Good luck and hugs

-Heather

You are absolutely correct and I’m so glad that you understood what I was trying to say. That’s another reason why I don’t blog that much for I can’t always correctly convey my thoughts. You also reminded me that I have to listen to what I tell people for sometimes I have similar suggestions but I guess that’s something that I (we) tend not to do. . I have been making a sincere effort to focus on my ‘wants and needs’. I mean it sounds silly but I’m 46, I think lol and never really lived on my own to gain the insights to do what needs  happen to be  successful . And now, post stroke, I’m lucky if I balance my checkbook within $20.  Lol. ( the worst thing is I worked in banking forever...ha ha ha ) My son and family are staying on top of me. You have such wonderful advice .

cheers 🙏

Kelli when you are budgeting leave a little aside for treats. Our financial advisor at Lifeline said people break their budget if it is too tough. I made bargain hunting into a game when we were young and poor and congratulated ! myself on every saving. Do what works best for you.

Oh yes the fun of working out what is a want and what is a need. That was one of the hardest parts of setting up the budget.  And yes Sue some indulgences are "needs" it about making a decision with your eyes open and the long term in mind. A meal out or takeaway may be a need sometimes, especially at the end of a working week.  But if you know how much "space" there is you can balance how often you do something like that.  This applies to diets as much as it does to financial budgets

And Kelli we are all masters of "do as I say not as I do!" 

kelli  :

I agree with heather you should use google sheet & make income & expenses statement & budgeting. lot of time we need to differentiate between our needs & wants & while grocery shopping paying attention & buying right product & using coupons available to reduce bills also helps, being mindful about our spending do we need amazon prime or netflix subscriptions. Its good to have great family support but its good to be responsible fr one's self. you are brave women & doing great job.

Asha

My three columns are

Need

Want

Desire

It's amazing what we think we really need actually is a desire.

We aren't rich, but we don't go without.  So I'm hearing you Kelli; it's quite difficult talking finances and it all sounding 'right'. 

But in the end, doesn't matter how it sounds. As long as you are happy with whatever living situation you find yourself,  it's all good.

💚👑

So true Janelle, and having to justify to my mother the things I had put in the need column that she saw as a desire, was actually a useful exercise, although also emotionally difficult.

thank you for understanding and such great suggestions and I will do them.. much love

On 1/13/2021 at 10:56 PM, GreenQueen said:

My three columns are

 

Need

Want

Desire

 

It's amazing what we think we really need actually is a desire.

 

We aren't rich, but we don't go without.  So I'm hearing you Kelli; it's quite difficult talking finances and it all sounding 'right'. 

 

But in the end, doesn't matter how it sounds. As long as you are happy with whatever living situation you find yourself,  it's all good.

 

💚👑

I Have been using this everyday. I  made plans with my mom to go to a thrift store and within 5 mins I called her back and said;' Do it need it or Do I want it'

Thank you for the mantra  xxooxx

Awesome Kelli

💚👑

This entire thread resinates with me! Before my ex did a very not nice thing (a year after my stroke) and I left him and pursued my disability and my life... I had never lived alone. Seriously never. I was always the budget maker etc. Now my budget making skills are lacking a lot due to executive function defecits from the stoke. In other words I suck at it. Once I did get my disability. I had to utilize every bit of help I could find and now I live in my own home (OK one side of a duplex but it's my home). I am responsible for 100% of my bills, needs, wants, desires, etc. With just SSDI it is not a lot. I pretty much survive by not allowing anything beyond necessary. Ya'll it freaking lonely and depressing... But I feel so happy being on my own I don't think I want to share me with anyone at least not now. I still battle over what is a need, a want, etc. I mean I really feel like my monthly visit to Dollar Tree is a need for craft supplies. OK maybe a sanity need but doesn't that count. I digress, I find my budget never fits what I perceive as my needs and I have to make constant decisions to forego my sanity fund (lol). I can only imagine Kelli and I feel I can so understand your delemna. My family is constantly telling me I have start supplementing my SSDI and I don't feel like I can get out there and do it yet and my Dr. says he does not OK me "working" in any general sense of the word. But my reality is what it is and I know things will have to change eventually for me to survive. The whole thing is a anxiety ridden struggle. I certainly have never been in my current situation before. Each new day is 100% new. My brains ability to even process it is questionable. The struggle is real. I'm here for a whine hearing if ever needed lol I probably will hope for reciprocation. In all cases all of you have my ❤️. 

Happy to provide moral support whenever needed Tracy, and yes Sanity needs (craft supplies) are needs although you do need to remember they are also treats and be sparing.

((HUGS))

Heather