climbed that mountain... but still have my gear for another climb
Entry posted by ksmith in inner peace
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I believe I hit a mile stone. I was always trying to not accept how far were my limits or what I can do for I always wanted to keep the hope alive that, even though I knew what was realistic, could be better... When I reached that point ( reaching my limitations), I got scared angry because I didn’t want it to be ‘ my cap’. Now that it’s happened ,holy cow ,I feel better but I do understand that I may revert back to other “stages of grief but sadly my co workers heard the 12 years of trying to accept my stroke in 3 hours. So they got the whirlwind . I am very aware that not everyone can work but I’m very aware that everyone ,at some point will come to a realization such as this and although it can be scary and It can make you angry it is a relief, at least for me.
I am very aware that not everyone is going to be happy with the results that they have been left with from the stroke but to accept this is you is a relief, at least again for me. I know that my 'safe space' is the beach. I decided to take my camera for a friend of mine and I were talking about his photography. I wasn't even in the mood or had it even occurred to take photos. As I was trying, and this wasn't the right camera for outside for this was a LCD display to look at. I began to slow down and listening to my music, I began to slow down. Sitting on the beach reminded me it’s not that bad and it’ll be all alright. I know where my Zen Den is. 💓
I'm glad I found that place for the co-worker I spoke to first, ended up going to the ER (via ambulance) for chest pains.. but she has A LOT on her plate even before me and **update She's OK*** (( back story.... This was Sunday night at 9:00p and I had already been up since 8a and due to another health issue with staff- they called me. I'm the closet. I took a nap ** 1.5 hrs** the work 11pm-7am and it was I was overly tired but I thought I was still able to do what I used to for I getting into a 'groove' well NOPE.. thankfully all my co workers understand and my supervisor knows my father for she ran cross country when my father was the coach so she reached out to make sure I was and he explained how I so worked in the past. Granted Pre stroke and unmedicated ADHD. So the short of the long is I can't and that's OK and all is good at work)))
*****side side side note: NO One at work had ever known me to completely have a mental split,, of sorts... and now they have seen and heard the worst. I never said nor showed anything to any individual ( resident) of the Group Home****
And you can hear people say to accept is easy... but is it? Many who say they have "Despite being one of the most important life hacks any of us can master, the practice of acceptance is enduringly difficult. Where many of us get stuck is that we start out with a warped understanding of what acceptance is and how it works. We think that accepting something means getting over it. But this isn’t the case" Link-(acceptance )
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