It is customary with public journaling and diaries for those who may be following along NOT to add replies.

Below is my story. I am a Stroke Survivor, having had my first stroke in May 2003. I cant give an exact date because I dont remember it. Since thoes early days filled with darkness, despair, hoplessness and fear. I have had 2 more small strokes, and several TIA's. As well as a few other little surprises. It has been a slow and long journey for me. Many times just wanting to crawl back into that little black hole I created just for me. I do have to admit I still go for little visits, but whose perfect? I ran out of the money to buy and throw stones . So here before you I stand naked to the bone. Not who I was, or with all that I lost , but as that which I had to created over again, from the ash . You are free to laugh, free to cry, Just a jorney thru my eyes. So sit down,strap in and take a rollercoaster ride , it's free. For this one is on ME !!!!!!!

Who called me a picaresque ??????????

My Journal

Now that tomorrow is here

Foxnix Posted on: Aug 4 2004, 04:51 AM

This is my first post. I hope there is some value to what I am about to write? My name is William, I live on a large farm in rural Mississippi. But am a city boy at heart, being that I spent most of my life growing up in New Orleans,La. I just finished spending most of last night and this morning being treated at first for Pneumonia then for a more advanced case of COPD ( What is chronic obstructive pulmonary disease?

Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) is a group of lung diseases that makes it hard for a person to breathe. In COPD, airflow through the airways (bronchial tubes) within the lungs is partially blocked, resulting in difficulty breathing. As the disease progresses breathing becomes more difficult, and it may become difficult to carry out everyday activities. COPD is the fourth leading cause of death in the

US. I think this would be a good time to say that I am a 2 time survivor of strokes, I have had 2 Heart attacks, 2 triple bypass surgerys and have 10 stints from my leg to my kedney and heart. But I am not writting you this post to bore you with my insignifant problems. It was in Nov. 2000 that I had my second triple bypass then in Jan of 2003 I had my second heart attack. My Employers felt I could no longer preform the duties I had been preforming for more then 7 years. It was like someone pulled my life out from under my feet. I slide into a dark/ black and lonly place called depression. After 3 months of extensive daily therapy. I was somewhat able to function in our socity again,.(with the help of some heavy duty antidepressants). then in Mayof 2003 I had my first stroke that affected my right side.........Then more depression.........Jan 2004 another strock...........you guessed right ................more depression.

I cant say when or how The thunderbolt hit me but I finally relized I suffer from 3 of the top killers in the USA. Heart disease. Diabetes, and COPD. I had been pulling around my pitty wagon with me for a long time. I couldnt find anyone to talk to that remotely understood what I had been going thru. That is until I met you people. I also began to belive that I was not just what I did for a living, that deep inside me there was more to me then I had seen in a very long time. I had read that some say ,"Joy is greater then sorrow." and others say , Nay, sorrow is greater. But I say unto you, they are inseparable, Togeather they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember the other is asleep in your bed. I am still angry, fustrated and dont know the answers. I have just decided that I want to find some of the joy I've lost, and for me finding the little joys of life is a start. Watching a sunset on a warm beach, kids playing in a park, or the swell of honeysuckle on a summers morning. I dont know how many days I have before I am called to continue my journey ? I just want to find the Joys I had forgotten about. I learned since my stroke I cant solve anyons problems because I cant even solve my own. All the Best to All of you , Will except all replys neg. and Pos.

Sincerely

William