just a little afraid I'm co-dependent
When I had my Mum living here, she lived here for two years after my Dad died, as well as Ray, not long home from hospital after his major strokes I went pretty well mad for a while. Not mad dog mad, but not myself. Too much work, too many demands on my time. Then a good friend of mine spoke to a good friend of hers and said:"Do something about Sue." and that is how I got a lot of care for my Mum including Adult Day Care one day a week, Community Restaurant ( I have never heard of it being anywhere else but here, gives meals to shut-ins and frail elderly in a community centre) and three hours a week care in-house. That meant Ray and I had time for his therapies etc. and some time for leisure activities too.
Now Mum has been in her Dementia Lodge for three years, Ray has had two more strokes and a lot of water has gone under the bridge. Now I should maybe start weaning myself off being chief caregiver and try to send him out more to Daycares etc and accept some help in the house. But like many caregivers I cling on to my role as all-important-person. I need to look at this and see why I "need" to be so important. Why can't I let Ray go, like I let Mum go? Why do I think I am the only one who can fulfill his needs?
One of my friends who has done a drug and alcohol counsellors course is always scoffing at people he calls co-dependent and hints that might be me too.
Okay, take a deep breath and ask, what if..what if.. I am co-dependent? where is the path from here to where I ought to be and what would that be like when I got there? Should I wean Ray off his dependence on me? I know I need time for myself but what will I do with the time? Going shopping? Visiting my girlfriends (who???). I don't know what I would do with 'time out". But maybe some free time would be good, go for a walk, sit by the water, even go for a swim in the warmer weather.
I have a social worker coming next week so maybe I could talk to her about it.
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