I joined the board about March or so, and promptly disappeared.

I had a good excuse, though. I was busy going in and out of the hospital. In fact, I died in the hospital last April 28, 2005. Obviously, I'm okay now, but they did call a "Code Blue" after my second carotid surgery.

My first carotid surgery was March 11, 2002. My carotid arteries being plugged up is what caused the stroke. I did try and change my diet after I had the stroke, but apparently it didn't help. They had to clean the other carotid artery out, which was only 50 percent blocked in March of 2002. I now have matching scars on both sides of my neck. Oh well. At least I am not dead. Yet.

And speaking of being dead, I didn't see any "tunnels" or angels when I died on April 28th. When I woke up from my death, everybody was standing around me. I remember feeling very confused, and wondering what everybody was doing there. A nurse told me that they had called a Code Blue. I thought about that for a while, as best I could, considering the fact that they gave me a shot of morphine. She said to be sure that I tell everyone that must be allergic to anesthesia.

I used to be a very spiritual person. I say "used to be" because my faith has been shaken. I don't know what to believe anymore. I didn't used to be afraid to die, but this experience has me wondering. When I mentioned the fact that I hadn't seen anything when I was dead to my nurse a couple of days later, she said it must be because I wasn't dead long enough.

My mother said the same thing. But I don't know. Does this mean I wasted my whole life studying things that aren't real? Does this mean that there is no heaven or hell, and there is not some God sitting up there waiting for Judgment Day?

Does this mean that I wasted my whole life being GOOD???