Well, Chris spent Thursday in the ER again. He was supposed to go to his family doctor for his 6 month check-up and she sent him to the hospital instead. She wanted him completely checked out. She wanted more tests run in regards to the swelling in his feet and ankles and more tests done in regards to his coughing, shortness of breath and wheezing.

We still have got no answers about the swelling, but I have noticed that Friday and Saturday I kept his feet elavated and the swelling was basically none. He did get another diagnosis - COPD - this was found on the chest x-ray and he was given an inhaler- the ER doctor did order another cat scan - Wednesday evening Chris had alot of pressure in his head, a headache and he said that his vision had gone black. So of course they wanted to make sure that he didn't have another stroke. The cat scan came back negative for stroke, but it was suggested that he could have had a TIA and if it happens again to call his neurologists immediately.

Lately, I feel that all I do is spend time on the phone with doctors and live at the ER with him.

His Baclifin has now been increased to 55mg. daily and he still has no pain relief or spasicity relief in his left arm and hand. I am so exhausted hearing about his constant pain - well tough for me - how would I like to be constantly suffering. Although I don't understand why the neurologist can't get a handle on this. He did tell me thou that if the Baclifin didn't work that he would refer Chris to Moss Rehab for Botox injections for his arm.

Today was a really shi*** day. Although it started out good, it turned into a nightmare. I didn't finish with his bath and getting dressed and in his chair until 2pm and then he wanted to go outside and "blow" leaves. So I gave in. He really enjoyed it but what a job for me. He could barely hold the leaf blower so I positioned it on his lap and legs and pushed his chair around the lawn and sidewalk, people who past by looked at me like I had 6 heads. We weren't outside no 1/2 hour and he started complaining that he didn't feel good and wanted to go back in the house. I can never seem to get a job completed.

So I brought him back inside and of course than he started complaining about everything. Finally I got him settled down and started cleaning. Sunday his brother is coming to visit from Washington D.C.

I am really "anal" about the way the house looks especially when we are getting company. Actually I should say not only when we get company but all the time. I finally finished at 10:30pm and sat down in the chair in front of the TV and fell asleep until 12:30am. I still needed to get Chris into bed which takes no less than 30 - 45minutes.

Right now I feel like I am burning the candle at both ends. Everyday this feeling is getting worse.

I have finally deceided and called a counselor who one of her specialities is for "caregivers." I feel like I'm a firecracker just waiting to go off. I am really hoping that she can help me in dealing with all of this. She had also said that she was willing to come to the house and provide counseling for the both of us. After telling her some history she feels and I agree that Chris needs help with acceptance. So I'll give it a shot and see how it goes. I guess it never hurts to try.