I'm a firm believer in following your instincts. If you can't bear to be truthful with this woman's employer, just tell them you're having personality conflicts with the woman and demand a replacement. You're paying the tab and deserve to get someone who doesn't have you thinking 'abuse.' She certainly doesn't sound like she's working in the right profession. By the way, inapproperate touching of a care recipient is also abuse.

My niece was having trouble with her caregivers recently. She changed agencies and found a world of difference in the level of care and compassion coming from the people they'd send compared to the ones coming from the first place.

Good luck!

Jean

P.S. If you have access to a camera you can hide, I sure wouldn't hestiate to do it...just in case the woman does make a fuss down the road.

I had trouble with the respite carer I had for Mum when she was here. It was ony three hours but she actually left Mum alone! I rang the agency siting personal differences, she was replaced by a lady who still stops and says hello when she sees us.

Personal dignity is important to the surivor and if it was Ray I would be setting a video trap if just asking for someone else doesn't work.

Sue.

As a survivor, I'll give you my view. If she is being nasty, you'd do well to be rid of her. Cause days are long enough without someone negative or just not compatible to your husband. That makes the days twice as long and won't be good for his overall attitude or recovery.

As has been suggested already, change agencies or demand a replacement.

Whatever repercussions come out of you getting rid of this woman, so be it. Chris is more important then hurt feelings.

Lots of luck

Pam

The day I heard one of Gary's aides cussing him out with a nasty tone of voice, was her last day on the job. I told her "I will call you if I need you again, but I think we'll be doing okay for a while." I didn't have to explain why I didn't want her back; she knew I heard her raising her voice. She also knew she had lied to me about doing his exercises. Before you have another aide in the house, explain to them what you will or will not tolerate.

Good luck, Kim. I know how difficult it is to find good, caring, reliable help. I have to go out in 8 degree weather today, so have a friend who will sit with Gary while I run pick up the aide, who doesn't have a car. It costs me $15/hr. just to go get groceries and run a few errands and all she can do is sit with him and watch t.v. She can't transfer him, feed him, or anything else. But I have to get out.

Sarah

Can you imagine this same woman in a long term care facility? Which may or could happen once she leaves your house. Looks like if they don't want to do what's right and proper, get out of the business, fine some job you like better. That's a sorry person in my book, man or woman. I could not do anybody like that.

That's why I've been married 4 times, before I mistreat a woman, I will leave, I'm not going to prison, and I'm not killing somebody's daughter under any circumstances.