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More than pounds on my mind


calendulady

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As I mentioned before, my weight gain is always heavy on my mind. But I have other

weighty issues to deal with also ... starting with a visit from my sister this week.

She will be flying in from New Hampshire on February 2 and leaving on

February 4.

 

Most people might think, "What's the big deal about spending

3 days (actually closer to 2-1/2) with your sister?". In my family it is a

very big deal. My mother, father, grandparents, aunts and uncles have all passed away.

My sister is my last living relative, besides 2 cousins, my husband and my 2 children.

 

Although we live just 500 miles apart, we have never made too much of an effort

to stay in touch over the last 30+ years. We are strangers to each other.

 

My mother-in-law called my sister to notify her about my stroke in September.

She was concerned, called me in the hospital, sent a crossword puzzle book and

some sweatpants, and I heard little more until a couple of weeks ago, when

she called to tell meabout the visit.

 

I am panicking :yikes: right now. I don't have the energy to entertain her.

We don't even have money to buy groceries for a guest. I always need at least one

nap a day. No one wants to watch me sleep. And my house is so cluttered.

My husband takes care of everything, including the house.Since I can't balance

enough to do any major house cleaning, I will have to bug hubby to get it done.

We don't have a place for her to sleep, so my husband is borrowing a rollaway

bed from a friend and then he will move furnishings to

convert the dining room into a bedroom.

 

Even though I am the older sister (by one year) with more formal and

informal education, I am and have always been intimidated by her.

She was always the pretty and petite one. And she and her

husband are very rich. I never felt like I measured up to her. And my

father agreed. Dad looked down upon me, because I didn't marry rich - instead

I married for love.

 

All these insecurities are bombarding me now. And to top it off, I can't even

feed myself without leaving part of my dinner stuck to my PJ's or shirt,

just where I spilled it. I feel so depressed and spend more time crying

than I do communicating.

 

I know this rambling is overflowing with self-pity, but I am home alone right now

and everything just seems to be coming to the surface. Until next time ...

8 Comments


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calendulady,

You have survived a stroke, that is amazing in it's self. The distance between your sister was not created just by you, maybe she has realized that fact and whats to change your relationship. If she can't deal with the conditions at your home then she can pitch it and help or go to a hotel. I have been having trouble with my back and Rod is not capable of doing the house work. So my house is mess and right now thats not what is important. You should not feel less than anyone, we all are important in this world. People who snub their noses are not the kind of people I want around anyways. I'll bet and I am hoping your visit will go better than you think. Give it a chance, don't let your fear get the better of you. As far as marrying for love, you have 10x more than someone who marries for money. Love conquers all and it sounds like you have a good husband. Take care and try not to worry about what hasn't happened yet. :hiya:

Lynn

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Lynn gave you some really good suggestions. You need to relax! Muster some self-confidence, and don't allow your concern for your sister judging you, to upset you. I agree that your sister probably wants to make a connection with you. Let us know how your visit goes - relax, enjoy your visit, and don't be surprised if your sister gives you a helping hand.

 

Karen

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Hi, I know exactly how things are magnified after having a stroke. How all the insecurities come to the surface..... I wish I could just hand over the spot I reached after I had my stroke, to chuck away all those previous conditioning you are brought up with.

You are a survivor and don't forget that. So your house is cluttered and not spotless to pass the white glove test. Clutter and dust will survive anything and always be there. Your life is different now, your abilities are different. She is coming to see you, not to see a house that is spotless and completely neat. Trust me, I lived in that spotlessly neat mueseam pre stroke and it didn't get me any further ahead in this life. I spent far too much time doing drudgery and housework. I realized the world wasn't going to end if you couldn't eat off my floors post stroke. I co-existed with dust and dustbunnies the size of small furry creatures quite happily post stroke and no one fired me either. Let it go, you got more important things to expend your energy on then cleaning.

Maybe you could start all over with your sister and start to get to know her, you may be surprised that she grew into an adult that you could like. Try not to have too many exppectations over the visit. Just take whatever happens and leave it at that.

Sorry didn't mean to lecture....... wasn't lecturing, just pointing out a different way to see things.

Pam

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whatever there is to eat; whatever there is to sleep; whether your pj's or shirt gets food on them - so what? You did not invite your sister. She is coming and if she isn't satisfied, so what? Do not feel you must go out of your way for her. "You are sick" and no doubt your husband has enough on his hands. The two of you have not asked for any help and are doing the very best you can. Please do not make yourself sick over this. Whatever you are eating, so-be-it. Spaghetti is filling and not too expensive - or mac and cheese from a box. Do not serve meat if you can't afford it and desserts with whipped cream etc. are not necessary. What the two of you can do is more than enough. You'll provide something to eat, a place to sleep period. All that is necessary.
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i agree with what everyone else posted here. you are a survivor and should be proud of that. that is worth more than all of your sister's wealth and small waist and favor of you late parents. your sister should be honored to be allowed to visit you.

 

as Pam said, i hope that you and your sister can start and new and healthy relationship on this visit. if not, than you don't need her.

 

sandy

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Hey Debbie

 

I have a bit of an uncomfortable relationships with my sister too and she is a bit like yours but this weekend she said:"I tell everyone about you because I'm amazed by what you've done since Ray's strokes."

 

You are a survivor not an applicant for the National Housekeeper of the Year awards. You need to stress the long way you've come and the little help you've had apart from a MARVELLOUS husband and she will be the one who goes home envying you!!

 

And if she is well off she can afford to call for takeout for a couple of meals. Keep the phone number handy.....lol

 

Sue.

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Thanks to everyone for your friendship and kind words and helpful advice. As you may have guessed, I was having a panic attack while

posting by blog yesterday. Perhaps I should have listened to the tiny voice in my ear whispering, "Step away from the keyboard and nobody gets hurt!"

 

After thinking about the situation, I realized that I had overblown

every possible scenario. I am going to sit back and see what happens.

 

Don't worry, I'll be sure to tell you all about the visit!

 

Love, Debbie :wub2:

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Good for you, Debbie! Great attitude. Remember, your sister isn't the same person she use to be either. But you share a common history so it's worth giving the latest addition of yourself and your sister a chance to become friends.

 

Jean

 

 

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