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Oh, Brothers Where Art Thou ...


calendulady

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I grew up in New England with one sibling, a year younger than me. My mother died in a boating accident in 1974 (age 40) and my Dad died of cancer at age 56. My sister and I haven't been very close - we live 500 miles apart from each other and never seem to keep the family connection strong. So when she made an impromptu visit earlier this month, I shared my panic feelings with you. I basically am intimidated in her presence.

 

My sister arrived and I assumed she came to see me and check out how my recovery was going. She was enthusiastic about my progress (however, she hadn't seen me since the stroke, so I am not sure to what she was comparing her judgement).

 

Now comes the real kicker ... the true motivation for my sister's visit was to inform me that we had 2 half-brothers that neither of us had ever heard of before. These boys were from 2 relationships my Mom apparently had before meeting and marrying our Dad. The brothers are 3 and 5 years older than me. The saddest news was that the younger of the two had started the search upon the death of his adoptive family. He had located the older brother, talked on the phone several times. The 2 men were planning to meet the first week of January. However, the younger brother died of a heart attack on December 26, 2005. My sister received this news in a letter around the beginning of January, but she waited a month to tell me in person, because she didn't want to cause me any stress or pain.

 

How do I feel now knowing that my family has suddenly grown with 2 half-brothers (one deceased),

2 sisters-in-law, and 6 nieces and nephews? I am so happy that they were able to find us.

However, I am saddened that my mom was not able to keep us all as a family. And it is also a shame that she hid her secret from everyone. I would like to think had she lived longer she would have confided in my sister and me.

 

It is so amazing how just one letter can impact a life.

 

Debbie

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One of my husband's cousins got "found" by his half-sister at a party. He said a woman had just come up to him and said "You X? I'm your sister." Although he likes them (she and her brother) he says he feels no kinship but keeps in touch as his parents and one brother are both deceased.

 

Life is very strange isn't it? And the standards today which would have allowed your mother to share this information with you are not the same standards as years gone by.

 

Enjoy rebuilding the relationship with your sister and getting to know these new relations too. We all need family.

 

Sue.

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Debbie,

 

My Dad had two surviving children from his first marriage that he had talked about for years. They never wanted anything to do with him since their mother remarried and their stepdad raised them.

 

One year when my Dad had traveled back to N.Dak. with his brother to visit my grandparents graves they pulled into a gas station to get gas. A young man who looked very much like my Dad's oldest son when he was younger, came out to pump the gas. My Dad asked him his name and sure enough he was my Dad's grandson. My Dad told him who he was, and I'm sure it shocked the heck out of the poor kid if his parents had never told him that his Dad had a REAL father somewhere.

 

About a year before my Dad passed away I was trying to get things in order, knowing that he probably wouldn't last much longer. I contacted my Dad's son from his first marriage to ask him if they (he and his sister) would want to be listed in Dad's obituary and he said "NO." They didn't want any part of him as he hadn't raised them so they didn't think of him as their Dad, and he also did not care to be notified when he died. I thought that was so sad, but abided by his wishes when Dad died.

 

Sarah

 

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