As most know, we have been in the process of adopting 4 children. Well, it all fell through and we are devastated. I am so angry with the so called system taking care of these kids. They have done a sever injustice to them right from the start and we got caught right in the middle. Not only did they not help these kids like they promised to do over and over again, but the agency also ruined us financially with what little we had left. And this is supposed to be a Christian organization to boot. Promises, promises, LIES all LIES. Now I am fighting for my mental as well as physical health, and the kids are separated again and devastated beyond belief.

My heart is broken, and I have so much emotion tied in knots right now. I hope soon that I can think a bit more clearly and do something about this so it will never happen to another child again. Our daughter that never takes time off from work, not even when she cut her finger off, has been unable to go to work for the last two days. The oldest of the adoptive children got to a phone and called me yesterday begging me to let her "come home." Dear God, how I wish I could. :head_hurts: Even the agency can not deny how far they have come living here with us, through no help from them. The kids schools are so angry with the agency they are ready to fight them too. The teachers have called me and they have even cried.

I know that I must take care of myself now and get better. My head tells me that over and over (as well as everyone else), but that does not help the ache in my heart. Time heals, so they say, will it heal these kids? Why wouldn't they listen to me and get these kids the help they needed? Why did it take me getting sick to make things start to happen for them. Now 4 little lives are hurting and no one seems to really give a damn.

I have always been such a strong person and they even managed to break me, The Top Sarge, the one who could fix anything as my daughter said, the one who always had a positive outlook and would give people the benefit of the doubt. Where did the real Margaret go, and will she please hurry up and come back. It is hard to live like this.

Dear Lord Jesus, take these babies in your loving arms and never let them go. They need your love and strength. Make sure they get the help they need so desperately. I can't push the right buttons for them anymore. Make sure someone strong is there to guide them and love them. Each one has so much potential to be good and highly productive members of society if only given the chance.