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Faith


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Mom went back into the hospital last night. I prayed to God not to take her yesterday. My hero died 4 years ago yesterday. Funny, mom went to the hospital at the same time he died. She doesn't look good. She is in ICU, so we get 20 minutes every two hours. Just long enough to say hello and goodbye. Dad doesn't want to be there very often. He only wants to go 3 times a day. Well, in my opinion that is wrong. I really feel this time she is going to die. She is so swollen that I don't think they can get the fluid off this time. I have found myself praying for the Lord to take her to him. I feel bad about it, but I also don't think it is fair that she keeps suffering. I think four years is more than enough suffering. I know that God has his own plans. I don't go to church, but it isn't because I don't believe. At this point right now, I have no faith in God. I feel that he is uncaring. I know that I shouldn't feel that way, but I do. I am trying to keep the faith. I am so stressed out right now. And it isn't even stress. It is worry and panic. I am yelling at my husband. Hell, is doesn't even care about me or my mom. He cares about himself and only himself. I guess I am just really upset. I am trying not to be, but I can't help it. And really, I have lost the faith.

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Hi Cyndi,

 

I just popped in to let you know that you and your family will be in my thoughts in the coming days. It is not an easy situation to be in and all of your feelings are perfectly understandable.

 

In time you will make peace with your doubts about God and you'll probably find your way back again. In the meantime, you are doing the best you can, being a caring daughter, and that is all anyone can ask of you.

 

Jean pash.gif

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Cyndi,

I don't go to church either, although I used to all the time. I lost my faith in God too at the time of his stroke and still do occasionally, but one thing I know for sure is that He didn't do it to my husband. I don't know why bad things happen to good people. I guess one day we will all find out. From what I know about God, (and you might not care, but) He understands your feelings after all He created us.

 

It's sounds like you've been through hell and back more times than any human being should. But one thing I know for sure and that is that you LOVE your mom and no one can ever take that away. That kind of LOVE is everlasting.

 

My heart goes out to you Cyndi and may your prayers be answered in what is best for your mom. pash.gif

Cindy

 

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