Chasing My Tail
I've been doing some thinking today and I have learned that I have been waiting to die :death: . I know this sounds kinda morbid but instead of trying to live I have been scared to start my life again since the stoke. I know most of my fellow bloggers know what part of my problem is, but "she" is not what stops my progress. I will be going to work soon, but every time I am sure to go something else comes up with my health. The latest is the headaches have started again. Most of them I contribute to the weather changes, since the warmer days my head has started to stop up again. It's like something is stopping me, telling me I need to re-think things. So it's really a vicious cycle because I want to move on, but I keep getting stuck. I hope I am not making myself sick with the thought of working :uhm: .
I don't know if waiting to die is the right choice of words but that's what it feels like because it doesn't feel like living. I am not trying to depress anyone, but with all the new limitations things just doesn't seem the same.
In the summer months my family and I love theme parks and all the roller costers. I stroked in early May last year and when it was time to hit the parks I felt kinda limited. I want to continue to do the samethings as before but it's kinda hard. I have to research what I can and cannot instead of being adventrous and spontaneous.
I promise this is not stopping my progress towards acceptance, just the more I think the deeper everything gets, and the answers I get raises more questions. Now all I have to do is figure out how to stop chasing my tail I will be in great shape :bouncing_off_wall: . Time to go take something for my headaches. I hope I can convince the docs that I need a MRI, because the last time I blew these headaches off as sinuses...I had a stroke.
sgriffin
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