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What I am grateful for and IF.


rod williams

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this blog is disabled until after May 17th when Rod may ask me to enable it again, provided he can promise to keep the talk of a painless/good/fun death out of his posts and blogs. If returned to the blog community after the 17th, delete this post first. MBA: JR with permission from Steve.

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I am grateful that each day when I awaken that it will be one less day that I will awaken as a species of animal.

 

IF LIFE CAN EXIST ON A PIECE OF SAILING SPACE DEBRIS WHERE ELSE CAN IT EXIST?

 

If physical death did not exist, if you think that you are having problems now...

 

If humans remained alive to the last possible instant even though some cannot care for themselves, feed, wipe, wash, then those people need some good old fashioned 'death education'. Regardless of what a human does, we each will lose the ability to stand upright, we each will fall down and die. Dying is as natural as living, dying is as natural as a rose mating with another rose, be glad that physical death exists, be very glad.

 

Part of the problem is that humans from the time they were little were taught to fear death, to stay alive at any possible cost because nothing could possible be worse than death. BULLSHEET. This is a total lie and is born out of fear of the unknown. Death is a natural, billions have died before us and everyone on the entire planet will be dead in a little over 100 years but then there will probably be a new crop of humans and if reincarnation is true, we will be back. No thanks, I'll skip this dimension in the future if you don't mind. Don't call us, we'll call you, you hear?

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Couldn't agree with you more on this one Rod. I was in the "comforting the dying" business for a while and when relatives INSIST that dear old Mum or Dad be kept alive for the next few weeks or so while they get used to the idea I think it is morally wrong. To put people through more suffering because some pampered "child" is not ready to let their parent die is ridiculous.

 

There is an optimum time to die. Different for each of us. So it is natural to die, natural to mourn but part of the life cycle for us here on Planet Earth.

 

Cheers mate, Sue.

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Dying is natural and in a Hospice situation where death is definiately near, I agree with you, Sue---it isn't morally right to try to hold someone here and put them through more pain, suffering and/or guilt if there is no hope and they are ready to quit the fight. There is a time to sew, a time to reap and a time to die, after all. In fact, somewhere in the Hospice literature they tell you to give the person permission to leave, that you'll miss them but you will be okay.

 

HOWEVER, I'd like to ask Rod if he believes in suicide as a way to escape life on this planet. Teaching the fear of death through out the ages did/does have it's advantages, after all. Otherwise, half the teenagers with their first broken heart would do a Romeo and Juliette. Mankind would not have lived and flourished on earth for thousands of years if society had condoned death by one's own hands as a way out of hard times, dissapointments and hang nails.

 

Jean

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Jean

 

dying and death are a part of life, as you say, BUT, a person who says

I am grateful that each day when I awaken that it will be one less day that I will awaken as a species of animal.

 

IF LIFE CAN EXIST ON A PIECE OF SAILING SPACE DEBRIS WHERE ELSE CAN IT EXIST?

has a very strange attitude on life and living life, and i would not even bother to have a discussion on this topic with him.

 

sandy

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I'm sure that you remember M.A.S.H. the movie?, The opening song is 'Suicide' and it goes something like this: 'Suicide is so painless, it brings on many changes, I can take it or leave it if I try.'

 

I was a member of a euthanasia board for awhile on Google, I learned that a doctors promise in their hippocratic oath promises a good death to their patients, without pain. That should not be difficult to attain with all of the drugs that we have.

 

In the late Eighties from severe physical pain I went into shock and instead of fighting it, I decided to go along where it was taking me, it felt so good, I thought that I was dying, I had come to a crossroad and I accepted death within the core of my being. I still remember the experience well. I was floating along real nice like, it was in the wee early morning, girlfriend/significant other came into the room where I was giving up the ghost, dying if you will, shedding my flesh, taking my aura and leaving the land of the human for good. Then I hear her voice to me, "Oh, you don't look so good", I decided then, I thought of our children, 9 of them, that's a lot I know, she, Jasmine was the mother of them all, she was also the eldest of 9 children and when we first met on March 9, 1969 on Haight Street 2 blocks from Golden Gate Park in San Francisco, her father was the director of a U.S. Public Health Service Hospital in the deep south, later retired.

 

I spoke out and told her that, "Okay, I'll be back, put a pillow under my feet and another blanket on me."

 

I woke up, it was like I was all pins and needles, I actually felt wonderful, no pain at all, it was almost like a physical climax of a sexual nature only much much better. In my life I have had 3 spiritual type climaxes without the physical sexual act and I just described my third one, the first two were with females and all made the physical climax pale by comparison. I called them a spiritual climax or at least a very heavy emotional climax, each becoming a part of me.

 

My first experience with death came about in May of 1969 in New Orleans, I was on San Francisco acid (LSD) in the French Quarter, I was in a VW micro bus in a parking spot on the street, took me almost forever to find a place to park. I had just broken up with my girlfriend whom I had met several months earlier, we had a disagreement, our minds separated and I figured we had lost one another, the acid was given to me by a friend recently arrived from San Francisco. I was laying down in the van, it was around 3 a.m. In a instant I felt the presence of death, no I said, not me, I cannot die, others die, not me, leave me alone. Death was becoming persistent and wanted me to come with it, leave my body and depart this dimension. The thought scared me, I was frightened, I had never considered death before and I was so young, 27 and was for the first time in my life I was getting laid, having sex with her as often as we liked which was often, I couldn't die, not me, not yet. We had just broken up, the day before her parents had called us to a meeting with them where they said that we would have to have a wedding and they told us their plans and laid out their gifts to us and who to invite like my mother in Ohio and such. I told her parents at the meeting that we were married, that we were on our honeymoon, of course there was no official, establishment wedding, we were flower children and the year was 1969.

 

Death would not give up on me, I decided to drive the hell out of the southland and back to Phoenix, everything around me was sinking and I was drowning. I went to Lee Circle to a gas station and the only money I had was a part of my previous life's coin collection, a roll of Mercury head dimes, they glowed green under the street lights, it was very eerie. I got the gas and headed up Airline Highway out of Phoenix and on towards Houston which was the fastest way to escape death.

 

Long story short, at one point I was so afraid that I was pulling hunks of beard out of my face, talk about hurt but I was freaked out, death close on my heels, I figured I would listen to some radio music to sooth me so I flipped it On, had New Orleans most popular stations selected on my radio buttons, click, "there's a bad moon on the rise, don't go out tonight, it's bound to take your life, click off. That was bad, the verse from the song did not help me, it hurt, that's when I pulled some facial hair out.

 

Some while later driving towards Houston I reasoned that if I turned the radio on again, same station, that it would not be the same song, good odds that it would be a different song and I needed some calming down, death had never chased me before, this was new and I was in a freaked out panic.

 

Well, it was Glenn Campbell singing about Galveston which is very near Houston, "O' Galveston, I see your sea walls crashing, I'm so afraid of dying, click, I headed north and took the Dallas route to Phoenix. Girlfriend left the next day with 2 friends and hitchhiked to Phoenix where we were together again and are to this day, she's in the next room on her computer, ebay is a big thing to her business.

 

As the LSD wore off I could once again forget about death and maintain myself although whenever I smoked some really good pot, got real high, I would feel that same death presence and consequently not get stoned very often. In 1977 I had started a business as a locksmith to support our growing family, Jasmine had recently informed me that she was pregnant with our 4th child, Lelania. When Jasmine and I had first met, she informed me that she wanted 12 children. We had 9, 3 more would have been hard to pull off.

 

On night I decided to smoke a little weed to dilate my blood vessels, I didn't know at the time about the dilating but I did know that it usually made me feel good that is if death did not enter the picture. Must have been real good pot because it came back, death was there, it had followed me all those years. I was tired of running, it had been from 1969 to 1977 and I was still running, what a wimp I was. I remember this night, I will always remember this night, it was 1 a.m., I accepted this that had been following me, I accepted death with my entire being, my whole heart so to speak. It was a great and wonderful feeling, a great experience, my pager went off and I had a call for a lockout on a AMC at the gay Denney's, 7th street and Camelback, I floated up there, opened the door my a pick, one rake, I felt wonderful, I felt better than at anytime before in my entire life, I was more alive then than ever before, I had accepted death, the race was over. Never again would I be bothered by death.

 

I learned somewhere in my experiences that ultimately each individual life form has the power over their own personal energy, personal yes but also connected to every other form of energy in the universe like a gigantic electrical web, all life in the universe is connected.

 

I also learned that we each can at will, leave and abandon our physical human body, that by force of will we control our destiny. You cannot get there by trying to die, you can by just doing it, I know that for a fact.

 

I believe that those who use a gun, tall building or whatever are unaware that they have the necessary control to leave and not return, when they use a gun or such they are leaving a mess for someone else to clean up, how rude and how weak, if you are going to kill yourself, don't make a mess and don't inconvenience anyone especially someone who loves you.

 

I came back that day when I went into shock from physical pain in order to take care of my responsibilities, that is why I am here now, that is the only reason I am here. I do not desire money as a goal in life, that's is a total joke, the people for one are not given access to real money besides what good would a pile of gold do me. Also I am not here for sex, that I have had once since the summer of 2004, as a father of many children, I no longer think I need it any longer.

 

Jasmine tells me that our youngest will be able to handle me not being here in about 4 years from now, at which time my obligations have been met and I can leave.

 

I am doing the best that I can, this world depresses me quite a bit, I have been so depressed that I found it hard to believe that anyone could get that depressed. When I leave it will be by will and not some dumb messy means that leave crap for others to pick up.

 

I may edit this later, too tired to reread right now, the answer to your question about me and suicide, no, I don't believe that it's the way, if you can't control your energy, learn.

 

R0d.

 

 

 

 

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I read your blog for the first time today, Rod--or at least the last two entries. You are very thoughtful. It is strange, how we are taught to be uncomfortable with dying.

 

In contrast, the Dalai Lama wrote a book on how to die, and I read that with interest. Never seen a guide on how to die before. There is much about Buddhism that I find very comforting, and being unafraid of, even familiar with death when your time comes is one such.

 

And since I posted this, you wrote again. Good to hear that are not planning to leave any time soon. What can/do you do to stop feeling so down-hearted? The doctors you never want to visit can do a lot to help. . ..

 

T

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Rod,

 

The actual words to the M*A*S*H song go like below. I happened to blog about it a while back myself because a friend of our killed himself at Christmas time.

 

--------

A brave man once requested me

to answer questions that are key

is it to be or not to be

and I replied 'oh why ask me?'

 

'Cause suicide is painless

it brings on many changes

and I can take or leave it if I please

 

...and you can do the same thing if you please.

----------

 

 

"To be or not to be..." I think someone else in history asked that same question long before the movies were invented. :D

 

I'm glad to hear you don't believe that suicide is the way because the part of the song that you focused on couldn't be farther from the truth. Suicide is NOT painless for the family and friends that are left behind to wonder why and to spend the rest of their lives with the "what if..." questions.

 

Jean

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i was in the presence of the Dalai Lama on two occasions, once during a talk that he gave in Central Park in 2003, one in a three day conference of meditation and psychotherapy in 2005. buddhism teaches that living, dying, and reincarnation are part of a cycle that keeps on going until one reaches enlightenment. the Dalai Lama is a bodhittsatva who is continually reincarnated after dying in order to help the human race find enlightenment.

 

the Dalai Lama's presentation and attitude was the antithesis of the author of this blog, who is writing about disconnected, despairing thoughts fueled by drugs and despair. there is an ocean of difference between feeling comfortable with death and dying and operationg in a drug-filled despair.

 

sandy

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I totally agree. When I was on Google's talk. euthanasia, I was there to convince others that they had the necessary control over their personal energy to leave at will. It has to be that way. One girl from California was looking for someone to check into a hotel, party I suppose and jump to their death. I pointed out that they may hit someone when they land, they would leave a big nasty mess for another to clean up, not fair. The girl came back that she would jump in a plastic bag. : + )

 

I tried to convince people that it was a dumb thing to do, why use artificial means to off yourself which will put a bummer on society, it's gotta be cleaned up. Feed it to the dogs but no, we can't do that because then dogs will develop a taste for human meat.

 

Let's see, we got the cows mad at us for good reason, we have the birds pooping on us ala Hitchcock, the fish are giving us mercury, beans are just great food, brown rich and beans, yessir. Die under a tree with them beans in your stomach and you will become a bean plant, remember Jack?

 

Thank you, I find this reasonable.

 

Peace,

 

Rod

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Quite an interesting read Kate, thank you.

 

I know how to die, it will be better than any amusement park ride that you've ever experienced, there is not a painful death, we have the internal mechanisms to turn it off at will. I've been there.

 

As you know the body chemical plant makes endorphins that are more potent than heroin, I've been there, I have never taken heroin but I have taken the endorphins in a appropriate situation I may add, all natural, au natural'. There can be no painful death... well if you fought it tooth and nail like I did when running from it, that can sure be painful or if your leg was blown plum off, that could be painful but only if you fought it. Don't fight and you will soar to new heights and say to heck with your body, it was a drag. : + )

 

Hey, I weigh 130 pounds, I am going on a weight loss diet, they say that we are what we eat, if I can lose at least 129 pounds, 15.9 ounces.

 

We have total control over each gram of our energy, we are also connected to all energy in the entire universe. All particles in the universe are related and equal, the only thing that would want or need to be worshipped at the threat of eternal torture would be a monster or at least it was made up by some pretty freaked out groups of humans as a way to explain the almost unexplainable.

 

Why would something that is foreign to us have control over our own energy? Doesn't make sense, each...

 

Each lifeform in the universe is unique, there are no 2 of anything exactly alike, can't be, there can be close but not exactly so we are each unique. The possibilities of life cannot have limits, not logical.

 

We know that life exists in the universe, 100 percent... not 99 percent, we know for certain.

 

We also know that the universe cannot have a end, that's impossible, what would be at the end? Another beginning?

 

Combine the two absolutes, from that we get this: The possibilities of life in the universe are without limit, anything that can be imagined by life can and will be achieved, while achieving that which we have imagined we will imagine still greater sums, ad infinitum, ad infinitum.

 

Love to you all

 

Rod

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Hi Sandy, and Rod again,

 

You're right about the Dalai Lama, Sandy. He is an amazing man, unphazed by how slow we all are to learn from his examples of compassion.

 

I didn't get the feeling Rod is operating in a drug-filled despair. But if he is (if you are, Rod), there are steps to take, not only pill-taking, to address that. Seeing a doctor seems like a good first.

 

T

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Really good post Sandy, hey, I am not perfect, you try living a life from a war zone, even though this is the usa and there are no shells going off, well actually there are, usually can hear them at night, 'shots fired'.

 

I most probably use less drugs than anyone on this net, I would guess. Here are the drugs that I take in the order of taking them, now remember I eat my first meal of the day around 5 p.m. after a often hard days work, in the morning I will have a quarter cup of my wife's columbian bean, costco ground coffee. Bottled water through out the day until four'ish when I go home and eat a breakfast of, not in any specific order, beans, brown rice, avocado, leaf lettuce, a salsa, potato, chicken, ground turkey, that's about it. I generally stay to 1 soda a day but have been known to skip days and on occasion drink 2, coke usually.

 

Then I will dilate my blood vessels with a natural herb which I may add the majority of voters of this state approved for medical use 2 years in a row and either we have a constitution or we don't. Under law it is legal here, those who disobey the constitution are criminals.

 

The last pill I have taken was in December of 04, that was Dilantin which I took for about 4 months, it has deadly side effects, the only side effect of the natural herb is a feeling that time has slowed down where you can hear each note in a song or don't you like music?

 

Peace and love,

 

Rod

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T

 

i hope that Rod is not operating in a drug-filed despair, but from his whole blog i fear that he is. your suggestion of seeing a doctor (specifically a psychiatrist) is an excellent one. rod, rather than having a volitional, self-willed, painless death, go see a psychiatrist.

 

sandy

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T

 

i hope that Rod is not operating in a drug-filed despair, but from his whole blog i fear that he is. your suggestion of seeing a doctor (specifically a psychiatrist) is an excellent one. rod, rather than having a volitional, self-willed, painless death, go see a psychiatrist.

 

sandy

 

 

Oh, you are being funny, really, if for instance I was on a good world where humans worked together ala Carl Sagan, Spaceship Planet Earth, recognized each other as brother and sister of the universe, crew members of a delicate then if my attitude was as bad as it really is, I should seek help.

 

However I live in a war torn, capitalistic society based on being number 1 and keeping our piece of sheet fleshy bodies just for the hell of it. Listen, if all sheet were removed from this world all life would die, nothing would grow, there would be no fertilizers. Consequently everything we humans ingest is sheet based, we are sheet. : + )

 

Have a good one, I am fighting a war, the majority of a species of animal known as human is/are running a operating system, version 1.1 whereas we are capable of running version 10 or even 20, it's partially the fault of those damn traditions, invented by our selves, don't say that a species of animal is all that bright, try vibrating faster, faster than the human can see and check out the next dimension, I saw it and I am somehow supposed to be happy and content here, take pills, have others try to convince me that I should be happy to be a human, yeah right.

 

With love to all,

 

Rod

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Rod,

 

You can call it an herb or hemp or a medical plant but most of the world still calls it pot or marijuana. I believe you've blogged that you've smoked it every day for the past 38 or 39 years?

 

Jean

 

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To be happy living in a nut house, somehow strikes me as funny. Stamp collecting anyone, sports, pills?, anything to take our minds off the insanity that humans have certainly created. It would appear that they would rather be fighting each other than working together to build a better world for our children.

 

What is the best thing you can give your children?

 

World Peace.

 

Are we intelligent enough?

 

 

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The first time I smoked pot was in 1967 in New Orleans that was 39 years ago. Pot is not like cigarettes, it is not addictive, I smoked cigarettes for almost 50 years, pack a day, with pot, you don't always have it and since it isn't addictive, you don't have to have it like cigarettes. Pot is about as addictive as a French Vanilla ice cream cone on a hot day in the park while listening to a nice musical in the band shell. You don't gotta have it like nicotine and caffein.

 

There was a two and a half year period where I did not smoke it, some every few weeks or so, it's best fresh.

 

I do much less drugs than you, don't I, and I mean harmful drugs not pot, pot is not harmful, you are confused.

 

Rod

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