I did voluntary telephone counselling for eight years, usually once a week for a six hour session. I also was a trainer for five out of the eight years. This meant that I interacted with a lot of people, callers, other staff, fellow counsellors, the newbie counsellors as I helped to train them. Being a student of human nature I found it fascinating that sometimes the counsellors were more needy than the callers. We all were trained and then let loose on the phones. Serious problems were referred on to people with more training, we had volunteers who were psyciatrists,psycologists, medical personnel etc who we could refer people on to. And in extreme cases the police were involved. All of course with the consent of the caller.

During the training courses I did a lot of self-examination and reflection and grew as a person. Some of the trainers stood aloof from the newbies but I never did, it is in sharing that you encourage others to share. I was also involved in the role plays used to demonstrate the way to handle a call. I remember one that involved incest that made me want to rush home and hug all my children to my chest and never let them go. It is traumatic sometimes to step into someone else's shoes even for a little while.

One of the things the newbies were assessed on was how they shared information with the caller. The idea was to establish fellow-feelings without dumping all your own stuff on the caller and changing roles so they had to become the counsellor to your need. Some people were very natural in the way they shared, others seemed to have to learn to do this as you would learn any other skill with guidelines, feedback and in one instance an observer yelling:"NO, for heaven's sake, you're doing it again." which was not one of the recommended methods but certainly made those who were there much more sensitive in their approach.

There is something therapeutic about sharing even a little of your story. We find that here, the relief of putting down in words, as a survivor or caregiver, what has been bothering you for some time. It is great to see progress by looking at an old posting and saying:"Gosh, look at how far I have come!" or even sadly, looking the postings of others whose lives have deteriorated and thinking of the extra time they enjoyed beyond that originally predicted by their medicos.

There is a bravery about sharing that some people just don't have. I guess that applies to some of the lurkers here, they would like to share but just can't get up the courage. We had that in Lifeline too and sadly not all made it from the start of the course on to the phone service. A few were good as conversationalist but lousy counsellors as their story so dominated their own lives that they were not able to look at others with the compassion they themselves needed. Some came back again after a few years when they had learned to handle their crisis or after undergoing some extensive therapy themselves.

It's not easy to maintain a balance in your life. As a survivor and as a caregiver we are liable to be thrown back into chaos at any time. There could always be one more stroke. There could always be a brewing family crisis that turns nasty. As a caregiver I am aware that some people do come to the end of their ability to care for one reason or another. One of the couples we were on the Stroke Ed course with have just split up, despite all the help offerred to *H* she just could not go on. Too much emphasis is put on what you "have"to do as a caregiver or survivor and that can make some people feel unable to maintain the changed relationship. I can understand that and don't want it to happen to Ray and me.

I think that what we did in Lifeline we do a little of here. We share our story when we first join and then add what bits of our story or experience that seems appropriate to boost others onto the postings. There is an interchange of ideas that is therapeutic but there is a harsher interchange that can be harmful too. We just have to be aware of the balance and sensitive to the needs of others.