I have not had a lot of times in my life when I have felt as if I couldn't help someone. Even when I was a small kid I was a trier. It used to amuse Dad that I would come up to a log that he had cut,when he was cutting timber in the woods in England and try with all my strength to lift it up and put it in the pile. I would even drag it a little way to show that I could do it. I guess that is why when he was building a couple of extensions to places we lived in he used to call on me to help him. Mind you all that help was paid back in full over our years of building.

Just the last few months I have begun to feel as if my strength is lessening. I am almost 59 so I guess coming up to my senior years but I have always thought of myself as a strong person. Now my shoulders seem to be less powerful and I often find I am struggling to lift the larger plant pots and contents or some piece of furniture I have decided to move. This is a bit frustrating as helping hands are not always available.

A couple of days ago the physio came to put Ray through his paces. I really like her as she is tailoring the exercises to what she wants him to do but also from what he can do now. So she looks at the way he uses his muscles and then thinks of how she can increase his range of movements. Ray seems to be responding well to this and I have some hope that he may even have a few finer movements if he can exercise enough to rebuild some of the weakened muscles in his left arm.

One of the things I want to do is to take Ray away for the weekend using the trains. As pensioners we get reduced rail ticket prices. So with petrol prices rising rail travel is by comparison a cheaper option, particularly long distances. I need Ray to either be able to balance a suitcase in his lap or be able to push one in front of him. I now have a frame that may enable this to happen but we will have to practice with it to see how he manages. Strong though I am I can't carry two suitcases and push a wheelchair, and open doors and find a suitable seat and...the list goes on. Anyway, the point is that if we are going to travel by train Ray will have to help in some way.

A few of our friends have come up with some helpful suggestions. In some cases I should be able to book the luggage so it goes ahead of me. That means I can take the luggage to the station and then go back and get Ray. The PT suggested that I use a backpack for Ray and put it on him so it is in front of him not behind him. This might be okay with a smaller backpack, and that might mean that by using a backpack and a larger suitcase we would have enough room for everything we needed. But then we usually go away with two large suitcases and a couple of other bags. Since Ray's strokes it is impossible to travel light!!Anyway we will work on this and see what we can do.

I am going to Sydney by train next week and spending a couple of nights at our daughter's place while Ray is at Camp Breakaway. It will be the first train trip I have done for a while. I have to go right into Sydney, change trains and come out for about half an hour in a westerly direction. I am sure it will be easy enough and generally railway staff are courteous and willing to give directions. I have travelled by train a lot in my lifetime but not over the past seven years.

So on Monday I will pack a bag and get ready. Ray will still go to Daycare and that will fill out the week. I know I enjoyed the break for three days last week and am sure next week I will too. But I am feeling just a little uneasy about the whole thing. Stepping out of my comfort zone. doing new things, thinking differently about life. Only Granma is going to visit the grandchildren, not Pa. I hope this is not an indication of things to come.