i was woken up at approximately 4:445 am by my cellphone going off against my chest. my plan had worked-the five minutes to go on ebay alarm on my cellphone for that coach pink grapefruit coin purse that i coveted and that was no longer manufactured by coach (introduced last month, limited run, sold out, and apple and lemon just wouldn't do)went off as planned, allowing me to bid one last time on my cellphone (i have an internet connection and an ebay program on my pink razr cellphone,) and then go downstairs to follow the last two minutes of the auction on my computer. after two minutes, the results were in...for a ridiculous price that i won't even admit, that was more than if i ordered it from coach when it was still available, i am now the proud owner of a pink grapefruit slice coin purse.

i paid for my coin purse, and for the items that i had bought on ebay for the"fight for the cure" Komen fund that were less expensive elsewhere-a pink toaster (two slice, wide enough to do bagels, six settings, removable crumb tray,)pink pizza cutter, pink vegetable peeler, and pink ice cream scoop. My friend Marita, and Anthony from John's attorney's office will be pleased, since they both have breast cancer. They will join my baby pink espresso machine, my fuschia water kettle, my fuschia knife block, my fuschia scale (i started a diet,) and various other kitchen objects in various shades of pink.

i'm sitting here in the basement with two of my four cats, who alternately swat each other and walk away. Marmaduke has been very p****d off since Gabi became very, very bouncy and is bouncing off walls playing with everything in general and the other cats and me in particular. Gabi was much quieter before he had an acute bout of interstitial cystitis and had his food changed. He probably wasn't feeling all that well for years but didn't complain like Marmaduke, who complains about everything, loudly. Gabi is much younger, bigger, and stronger than the other cats (he's 6, Marmaduke, the next youngest, is 9) and has a happy, buoyant, personality, so he bounces through life. Marmaduke is part Siamese (and looks it,) and is a one-person (me) cat who is prone to extreme fits of jealousy. They do sleep together, though, so their fighting can't be that serious.

on monday i went to a new rheumatologist who told me that i had lupus as well as antiphospholipid antibody syndrome (the last one told me that i didn't,) stopped my Celebrex, and sent me for lab tests, xrays, and a gyn exam and bone density test with a new gyn. yesterday she examined me, started me on low dose prednisone, told me i was having a flare, and showed me that i had a positive ANA. i liked her a lot better than my last three rheumatologists. she is very accessible and resposive.

my lupus flare was exacerbated by John's deciding that because they're both tiny white tablets, my Topamax was actually his Mirapex and switched/mixed up the two medications in my Topamax bottle, which led me to take a medication for the last several months that causes sleepiness, muscle inflammation and pain, and water retention, which i really needed. now i know why i thought that lipitor was causing painful side effects after so many years, ultimately stopped taking it, and then wondered why the severe muscle pains in my legs didn't subside (my new doc said that my lipid panel is perfect, and i don't need statins or any other cholesterol meds.)

when i went to the doc yesterday, John came with me. she explained to him why i can't sit go to the beach until the late afternoon because i am sun sensitive and the sun triggers my lupus. i have been telling John this since i knew him but he never quite believed me, just like he never quite believed me that i couldn't work 5 days/wk out of the house any more.

so i got a lock box for my meds. i also told John that even though he didn't try to poison me on purpose, if he doesn't go to meetings daily, get a sponsor, and change his narcissistic attitude as of yesterday, i would do whatever i would have to do to put him on a park bench in Prospect Park with his belongings in big black garbage bags. i'm also really hurt, upset, and p****d off that John did not take the time to do any sort of research on the internet to see that sun sensitivity and fatigue with autoimmune diesases and strokes are real issues. he preferred remaining ignorant, which i believe is what many people prefer to do (certainly my mom is like that.)

i grew up with a narcissist (mommie dearest,) i was married to a narcissist (my ex,) and i'm not going to spend my life with another one. i'd rather be a cat lady, happily shopping on ebay.

sandy