Pam:

great blog, I think prestroke I was so absorbed in my own world that never thought about giving any support to any one, I m now learning meaning of good listner, though post stroke apart from this site I haven't found good listners

Asha

Pam,

Some people think that giving support means telling a person exactly what that want to hear and in some situations, that is true. A pat on the back, a sympathic word can go along way in helping someone feel better after a tough day. But other times giving support means giving a person a kick in the butt and trying to get them to focus outside of their own little world and see the bigger picture so they don't wallow in self-pitty or run around in circles getting no where. Few people come into the stroke experience prepared for all that is required of us---both as a survivor and a caregiver. In a few some cases, the person needing support is both a survivor and a caregiver wrapped up in one as you have become lately, Pam. The revolving door of nurses coming and going, trips to ER, and doctor's appointments wears on you and it's easy to lose yourself in all that comotion. So as I often say on the message board, hang in there, Pam. Take care of yourself. Caregiving does get easier.

Jean

Pam, sometimes caregivers aren't good at support as they might be thinking "my survivor is worse than your survivor/ worse than you" I know that can be me from time to time. That certainly applies to me when I read the "invisible defects" posts as I cope day by day with Ray and his quite visible defects. But I do realise that each individual has their own losses and griefs that they carry with them every day.

If you had met me in the first year after Ray's major strokes I was heaps less supportive of others than I am now. Now I know that what goes around, comes around. So in a way when I reach out to give others a helping hand I am actually helping myself and also helping Ray.

Some people live and learn, some people just live. I guess we chose our attitudes to others and can also change that if we want to.

I think perhaps is is true that wisdom is born of pain and suffering. So those whose ride through life up to this point has been comparatively easy may follow us down this same road and wind up as a support person themselves. We just have to give the process time.

Hi Pam,

I'm sorry that you feel some people are not supportive. I think everyone tries their best, and we all have different ways of showing our support. We have a shared experience (stroke) but different ways of dealing with it.

I often stand in awe of what the people on this site handle, and with what grace. Sometimes I don't feel I can react in a way that appropriately recognizes the triumphs and challenges people face.

T