Pam

i really like your new persona, but you have to give yourself another name. i've already named my mother-in-law Cruella DeVille, to go with my mother's Mommie Dearest. Besides, i do not think that telling it like it is, refusing to accept milk toast topics and whitewashing, and being politically correct equals making cute Dalamtion puppies into fur coats.

as for your ex, i think that you should refuse to accept this separation agreement and fight him every step of the way. this is his reaction to you staying in NY, and he hopes that you will quietly and meekly move to Mars and never see the kids again. you are both independent and strong and disabled, and since your ex is being a total dick, you should make him pay till he throws up.

sandy

Pam

I'm glad you're letting Cruella out of the box where your coming divorce is concerned. What the x is asking for is outragous, especially considering the way he treated you after the stroke in those first few years and his affair. In our state it's really hard to divorce a disabled person without paying them a hefty amount of alimony. The state wants the spouse, not the state, to support them. So pull of the white gloves and get some legal advice. If you can't afford it, seek out the free legal aid services. You don't need this now, especially with Bill so sick and in the hospital again!

Jean

Pam,

You are on a high wire act of sorts, aren't you? You know the value of an amicable divorce for the sake of the kids, and yet he is trying to *beep* you to the wall. Seems he is more concerned with getting all he can out of the situation than he is with the well-being of the mother of his children. You would hope a person would want their kids lives to be as stable as possible, and having two parents who are able to work together is a HUGE part of that. (They don't have to like one another) How unfortunate that your X can't see the potential damage he is doing to his kids, that this does not affect just you. Seems that doing the right thing will be all up to you.

Take off the gloves, Pam. Don't let him *beep* you over because you are tired of fighting. I know this process could be SO TIME CONSUMING, TIRING, FRUSTRATING, and UNFAIR, and I know time and energy is easier said than done. Do your best to be fair so when the dust settles, and maybe when your kids are older and can see what happened for themselves, you will be able to hold your head with pride.

BUT FIGHT FOR WHAT IS RIGHT AND FOR WHAT YOU DESERVE AND DON'T GIVE UP!!!

Kristen

Pam:

I agree with what everybody said in their responses. fight for your right, don't hold back because of kids, you should get half of everything including right to kids wherever you are. first of all he had affair at such a important time in your life when you needed him most, but if you overlook just that still he can't run all over you, get that cruela devil out and make his life miserable

Asha

In Canada you would be entitled to half of everything and also half his salary in these

circumstances or even more. I would fight for all that y can get as y contributed to the marriage

and your children before stroke.

Best of Luck

lorrainelm

Go for it Girl, I know of situations where one spouse lets the other live in the house for the kids, but if another person lives in the house the deal is void. You can put a contingency that when the last child is 18 or when the house is sold you get 1/2.. You moved out, he moved you out, did not pay any alimony, (which you ay be able to get) had a verbal agreement to help you (which he did not). If you can possibly get a lawyer I strongly suggest to do so... and in the paper work put that he is responsible for your attorneys bill.. Also. you have a right to a portion of his retirement... YOU GO GIRL.

Bonnie

Just to let you all know. I do have a lawyer and I will do my best to get what I can, but it is becoming apparent that what is right and "should happen" isn't always the case how it all pans out.

But in the meantime, thanks for all the support. I'll keep ya'll updated.

Pam