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JUST NEED TO VENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kj mcmeekin

Entry posted by Kj mcmeekin

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I can actually say that right now everything is going well with Chris. Many different issues are being solved except for one - I am still looking for a used wheelchair van for him. It's difficult when you want to find something that is in good shape but do have a financial limit. I know that something will come through - everything so far has always worked itself out.

 

Right now I'm very concerned about my father. Back in March (the day after my son's birthday) my father has surgery to remove his lung due to lung cancer. He had a tough time - he spent 10 days in ICU and a total of about 15 (if I remember correctly) days in the hospital.

 

About 4 months latter he started with a terrible looking area on the scar under his arm - and finally the surgeon did a biopsy and found out that it was a cancerous tumor. This happened due to what they call "shredding" when they took out the lung, these microscopic pieces feel fromt he tumor and stayed inside my Dad. He has an excellant onocologist - and the tumor now has begun to shrink from the chemo and radiation.

 

Now my Dad told me that the results of the PET scan that was just done showed that he has a few spots in the chest cavity which means that there is more cancer. Once again his doctor is very optimistic that he will be able to cure this just by changing the type of chemo Dad is getting.

 

My father and I have always been very close. This is really tearing me apart.........the biggest problem I have is that I can't sleep at night. My mind just never shuts down.

 

And of course I am very stressed - taking care of Chris is still as involved as it was when I first brought him home and now my parents are leaning on me. I want to be there for them - and I'll do whatever they need done or help in anyway...........but I need to find some way to seperate from everything that is going on. Not only has this affected my sleep pattern but once again I am starting to lose more weight from not being able to eat due to stress.

 

I can't find all my answers so I know that the best way to find them is to keep on praying and someday the answers will be given. I'm very scared that I'm going to lose my father - he is still young - only 72 but acts like 42. I can see a change in him - he's very quite, very nervous, he is starting to lose weight and looks very pale. Not only do I deal with Dad's fear but I also have been the listening pole for my mother.

 

I just ask that God gives me the strength to get through this and remember that I need to somehow take care of me because I'm the one everyone is depending upon.

 

 

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4 Comments

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swilkinson

Kim, I am so sorry to hear you are going through all this right now. I also had a sick husband and ill parents at the same time and know how fragmented you feel.

 

Just give yourself some time to meditate, or just to day dream. I will lend you my beach meditation to put you to sleep of a night.

 

You are walking down some wooden steps, at the bottom is some pale yellow sand. Move your eyes slowly from the sand and at about waist height you will begins to see bluey-green waves breaking. Let your eyes wander out to a sea that is as blue as a blue wrens feathers. Add palm trees, rocks etc as appropriate.

 

Honestly you need to relax. Praying is good but worrying is bad for you. I will pray with you too. Hope things begin to go better for you all soon.

 

Sue.

 

 

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jriva

 

 

Kim,

 

My dad died from lung cancer five months before Don's stroke and we were really close, too. I understand what you are going through and am sending you a bunch of virtual hugs. :friends:

 

Jean

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arogers

Kim,

 

I'm sure I've shared this either in the posts or on my blog, but I went through the loss of my mother the day after Bill was admitted to the hospital - between strokes - with congestive heart failure. It was not easy. Bill and I went through our first six months together with my dad dying from a terminal illness. Bill actually conducted his funeral. There is no denying the horror of it all.

 

As you are doing, I've cried out to God for strength. I can't tell you how many times I've recited the Serenity Prayer - God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

 

Sue's visualization technique is excellent for relaxation, too. Besides all these things there is no reason you shouldn't ask your doctor if there might be a medication to help you. There are alot of meds out there to help. A friend of mine brought her dad home from Florida terminally ill with cancer. She went to her doctor and he prescribed Lexapro. After he passed away she was able to go off the medication, but while she was dealing with his illness she was able to handle the stress.

 

I've been real reticent about using a medication to handle stress. I did try Lexapro and couldn't take it. BUT, I know there are lots of other things out there and I'm about three steps away from a trip to my doctor! We are human, you know? We sure didn't sign on for the stress in our lives - this is called living life on life's terms...

 

I hope you know how much we all care.

 

:friends:

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jwatrous

:( I am so sorry you are going thru this, but when you can get some sleep, you'll feel 100% better -

Talk to your doctor and maybe he can prescribe a sleep aid or you can get sleep by taking an over the counter sleep aid

GOOD LUCK

June :Clap-Hands:

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