Robyn's Blog

  • entries
    78
  • comments
    289
  • views
    3,539

I'm REALLY NOT CRAZY...


Robyn

676 views

I just spoke with a dear friend, who after me, was Jane's closest friend...at least until recently. I told her what was going on...told her what Jane had said to me last week. SHe was flabbergasted. She said "Robyn, you and Jane were rock solid. There never was a truer, stronger, more loving relationship between two people. It doesn't get any better than what you had." I nearly died when she said that...it meant that what I perceived as our relationship REALLY WAS REAL...I wasn't crazy...I wasn't imagining things. It really was as lovely and as strong as I thought it was. But she also told me Jane was pushing EVERYONE back...especially people with whom she was very close personally and professionally...EVERYONE.

 

She also confirmed for me everything I've already said here...that this is typical of Jane's way of dealing with things. She also agreed with me, as she knows Jane's family situation, that being in Boston is the WORST place for her to be emotionally. This was doomed to fail from the moment the decision was made to isolate her from me by bringing her back there. I challenge her to stay emotionally healthy...her family allows her to fall back into her dysfunction.

 

She told me to not close my heart off because she felt, knowing what we had, that this was not rational and was likely temporary. I told her I didn't think I could do that and that I wasn't so sure it was temporary. She felt I'd hear from her again...somehow, some way...that it wasn't over yet. I'm not holding out ANY hope...I can't. I have to move on and heal. She agreed I should do that but to still find a way to keep my heart open. We'll see...right now I feel like that is asking a lot of me considering what I'VE gone through over the last month.

 

I guess it was nice to hear from someone who knows and loves Jane and I and knew our relationship that this is just plain wrong and should never have happened.

 

Honestly, even if she comes back to me and apologizes, I don't think I could live through another experience like this. When the next crisis comes, I can't live through her pushing me away again. If she couldn't trust in me and our relationship now, that won't change in the future. That is what hurts. I really did think we were rock solid...that we had the groundwork to make it through this experience.

 

Jean said in someone's blog comments about those relationships that don't make it through this crisis will fail for one of two reasons...one of which was a character flaw...this is all about her character flaw and not about me and what I thought was the strength of our relationship. It still hurts like nothing I've ever experienced but I know it isn't from something I did that caused this...and I wasn't the only one led to believe we were rock solid and as strong as it gets.

 

Now back to my regularly scheduled life...

 

Sam seems to love his new day care...YIPPEE!!! :Clap-Hands: He is eating like a champ and has had nothing but good behaviors. Keep your fingers and toes crossed. Margaret also got her progress report at school and she has A's in everything!!!!! :cheer:

 

We'll get through this...inch by inch, day by day...

6 Comments


Recommended Comments

Life is tough, and as a 20 year survivor, I feel for you, but relationships get real sticky after a stroke - sometimes damage has been done to a person where they don't remember strong feelings, like in your case

June

Link to comment

Glad to here Margaret and Sam are doing well.

 

My daughter had some problems with my grandson, ( they lived here on our property after son in law took off) so I made 2 baskets, one with small inexpensive items, candy bar, envelopes wita a 25cents, etc. that was the daily basket if he got good marks for behavior for the day he got to choose something. Then we had a weekly basket with bigger rewards.

 

I know the pain, but you are doing great,. I know some days are one step, one hour.. but then .... you get there.

 

Do Know we are here for you... So gad you have the children... to keep you busy and keep smiles on your face ;) :friends:

Link to comment
Guest
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.