The weekend is really a good time for me to take time out for me. I get to sit at the computer and relax for a little bit. Thanks to all that have replied. I really appreciate you taking time out to give me your thoughts and encouragement.

First of all I will shed some light on my family situation.

My parents were married for 31 years and have been divorced for about 10 years. They were married very young, 16. They began dating at 13 years old. They never really acted so much like they were divorced. My dad wouldn't let her go. He lets just say wanted his cake and to eat it to. He would come over every day even after they were divorced. They never quit loving eachother. When mom had her stroke it was horrible. My dad took it very hard and he suprised me but he was there the entire time. He even stayed with us out of town for weeks while she was in the NICU. I have never needed my dad so much and he really came through for all of us. He even came to see her in rehab hours away from home and drove me back and forth to the hospital. To this day he still comes over daily and helps out any way he can. He owns a bar and restaraunt so he is busy with that alot, but he makes time for us whenever we need him. He has been my biggest supporter. He is good at sitting with mom, but he doesn't do much else. He can turn her or empty the cath. or feed her pudding, but when it comes to changing her or using the feeding tube he is lost.

My siblings are another story. I have 3 brothers and 1 sister (actually a half sister- My dad's daughter). I am the baby of the family. My sister is my biggest help out of my siblings. I don't know what I would do without her. Me and her were not really very close before mom's stroke, but now we are very close. Like someone mentioned I think most are "comfortable" with the way things are. I have went through many emotions about this. When we said we were bringing her home everyone said we were doing this together. The nurses and social workers had meetings with us and explained how hard this was going to be and how it was going to take all of us or I would burn out. Well everyone said they were going to do this and that, well that died out I think almost before we came home. They all do take a weekend. Some show up at 5 pm fri and some show up at 8 pm. Some leave at 10 am sun , my sister leaves at 1pm. They don't get how much I have given up or they just really don't care as long as they don't have to do more. I asked that they stay til 5 on sundays so we could go do something on sundays. I got well if we are there all weekend we have stuff to do when we get home on sundays. Whatever. They leave and say ohh I am going to go home and hit the couch. They are tired from getting up at night and taking care of her, HELLO!!!!!!!!!! Once a month not even 24 hours. WHat do they think about me? They don't even have to clean house or anything else that I do. THey never do excercises with her and most don't get her out of bed. I do almost all the transfering. I guess I got myself started. There is no resentment here :Tantrum: Anyway point is I have asked for more help and just haven't recieved. 1 brother just hired a nurse to come out once a week for 3 hours because he is to busy to come out which only hurt my mom even more.

I have really been working on getting mom ok with me going back to my room. I so want to go back to my bed. She is scared though. I told her that for my birthday that is what I want. I have been telling her that for months. My birthday is this coming Fri. I just feel like she has been through so much I hate being the cause of more pain. I think it honestly would just take her getting used to kinda like making my son sleep in his own bed, but I haven't won that battle yet either. I am such a pushover.

As far as putting her in a home that is not a option for me. I couldn't live with myself if I did that. She is to young and been to good of a mother to live that way. Some nursing homes are wonderful, but most are understaffed and have to many patients to care for. My grandma was in one and they were ok with her mainly because my dad knew alot of them and someone was there everyday. It is not for my mom. I love her to much and as long as I am able I will take care of her. She is worth the sacrafices that I have made. We have some things to work out and I am trying to ease her into some changes. Sometimes I just need a little reassurance that I am doing the right thing.

Well my husband is waiting for me. He was busy playing a game until I decided to get on the computer now he keeps asking what are you doing? He must feel neglected. I better go see my boys.

Ruth