I find myself in the position of being not only the "survivor" but the caretaker as well. I have had to be the main person for all things in my family for a long time. Having my strokes has been hard on all of us. I have worried and cried so much and all that has done is increased anxiety. Time to find things to help climb out of the pit.

How about thinking of what we have to be thankful for.

First I am still here. So what if I do not go to work. I have wanted to just be at home for as long as I can remember. Sure working and doing a great job there did some goood for my self esteem. I did touch alot of lives then. Now? Well, I am in a much better position to touch the most important lives...my family. They have learned from me some bad things these past 2 years and now I am going to start teaching through my actions how to "make lemonade".

I haven't been into preparing for holidays for a while. Too much going on at work, not feeling well, all that stuff. Now I can. So yesterday I made festive curtains for the kitchen and dining room. My kids all noticed right away. We brought in the Christmas tree last nite. It's not as big and full as usual, but I like it. It is much easier to fit into the room. Smells good. My youngest son was kinda bummed that it was not as large, but this morning he said that it was good because he always hated putting so many ornaments on because he hated taking them down.

Spent the rest of the day cleaning and will continue today and as long as it takes. No more dust behind things. Pictures dusted and started windows. Cleaning out drawers in the kitchen. Gotta get rid of stuff.

Cleaning out junk in the house is kinda like cleaning out junk in my attitude maybe?

Yea.

I do feel less anxious with organization around me.

Put out o few of those white wooden deer last nite. Will get the Nativity out tonite. It should look nice. There hasnt been lights as usual but that is because of the electric bill. Maybe a few candles in windows.

There were a few limbs from the tree that we had to cut. Should be enough to make the fireplace look nice. Add some of those big pinecones and bows, maybe a few lights. OK I am starting to feel it.

Started going to church at the beginning of the month every day. That feels good. I had stopped for a time. Still not into seeing alot of people. Somehow I feel real nervous when there are alot of people around me. Weeka=days there are not too many people at Mass. I even met an older...well older than me...couple and went out to breakfast last week. Tomorrow I will go after Mass with a few people also. Mass is for my Husband and I am hoping our daughter goes along. He needs alot of prayers so if you do, ask God to send what he needs...he said it was " a lightning bolt".

Off to start the day. I think I might use this blog more to talk to myself.