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On being an ipod widow and other thoughts


Blonde Eyes

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I love to sing. I am a good singer. I love it when a song I KNOW comes on in some random place and I can sing along to it. I LOVE singing on the Praise Team at church and love spontaneous sing alongs with others. BUT...

 

I don't enjoy listening to music alll the time like most people. Music tends to make me very meloncholy and sad when I'm just listening to it. And, I tend to feel very irritated when "noise" is going on in the background when I'm trying to do something else. Plus, since my stroke, my ears are super sensitive and I can't bear to have anything like headphones on or having a phone too close to my ears.

 

So, when my husband bought an ipod this past summer and asked if I would also like one, I knew I didn't. I don't listen to music on the radio, nor do I listen to CD's (unless I'm trying to learn a song to sing). So, I knew I wouldn't use it.

 

My husband LOVES his! He downloads his daily podcasts of sports, sermons, news radio, etc. I love that he can do that because it relaxes him so much to be able to distract himself with something in the horrendous traffic here and it gives him lots to do when he is waiting for me at doctor's appointments or shopping.

 

However, I have found it EXTREMELY annoying when I am around and he is plugged into it. I am not a big talker, so if there is a lot of silence in the car when we are going somewhere, he automatically goes into ipod mode.

 

I might not even want to say anything, but just knowing that I can't makes me feel very isolated. I get bored and feel left out of something I don't even want! I know, it doesn't make much sense, but at least I've learned to just ask him to unplug when I'm around, so if I need to say something, I don't have to keep repeating myself or worse, talk to myself for a few minutes before I realize he is plugged in and hasn't heard a word of what I've just said!

 

On another note, I think that stroke brain just keeps rearing its ugly head with me!! I have been feeling really irritable the last few days and keep getting the shivers. And I'm ravenous all the time. I finally put 2 and 2 together and realized that when I was putting my weekly meds together a few days ago, I must have left out my Cymbalta! I don't know 100 percent for sure, since I'm not home right now, but it all adds up. I have been having terrible episodes of anxiety as well, and I now am remembering that I don't remember (surely there is a better way to say that!) putting the Cymbalta into the mix. I'll have to check on that when I get home.

 

I'm sitting here wondering how those who have had strokes and have small children to care for ever keep up with them! I got married at age 19 and had my three sons by the age of 24. I'm now 42 and my last one is graduating from high school this year. How would I deal with the needs of a grade school child right now? I guess God would give me the grace and help I would need if I were in that situation. As it is, I feel that right now I have my hands FULL just trying to take care of myself!

 

Edit to say that sure enough, I did NOT put my Cymbalta into my daily meds this week! No wonder I've been feeling so bad this week! Ok, I took one tonight and will start anew tomorrow! :)

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