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A year since the stroke and Denny wants a job


azrabbit

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It has been one year and a few days since Denny's stroke on New Year's Eve 2005. What a roller coaster ride it has been. I started New Year's Eve this year like a CNN broadcast with a day and year in review, complete with pictures, videos and memories - all in my mind of course. When it got too painful to relive I headed to the New Year's Eve party on the chat site here. It was good to visit with the survivors and caregivers and know that life does go on. Determined to not sit and stew in my sadness, I opened a great bottle of wine, poured some into a beautiful crystal goblet and headed for the hot bath that Denny had prepared for me. Fixing my bath was something he did often before the stroke. When I would return home from traveling for my job, he would have champagne on ice, strawberries and a hot bath waiting. Talk about being pampered. It was really sweet that he thought to do this for me on New Year's Eve....it had been over a year since he pampered me. I will admit the bath water was a bit salty from the tears.

 

The bath preperation was a signal of change. Denny, always the caretaker in our relationship, made my world spin right. Daily he would rise early, bring in the paper, make the coffee and bring it to me in bed. Yep ladies, he really did! He managed all the bills, the outdoor household chores, cars, trucks, boats and ran his business. He supported me in my business by managing my web sites, banking, taxes, layout and printing of marketing materials and of course, the baths! Fast forward to 2007, all those things are now my responsibility.

 

We are fortunate that we had savings to help us through the past year, but I am now faced with the need to 1) find a job that has healthcare benefits or 2) work like heck to build my business back up so I can afford to pay our medical bills and premiums. The problem with option two is I would have to travel again - extensively - and I am not willing to be away from Denny that much. It is just too hard on both of us.

 

So I have dusted off the resume and started sending it out with carefully worded cover letters. I don't remember the last time I had to "apply" for a job. It is all pretty daunting. Through all of this, Denny has decided he can do something to make money. The speech aphasia alone is a big problem. He thought he could pass out carts at Wal-Mart and practiced, "Hello, here's your sticker" accompanied by a big smile. We both laughed and decided that may not be the best job. He was a successful photographer before his stroke and still takes amazing photos. We are looking into creating some custom greeting cards with his desert photos and flower photos that we might be able to sell. He also used to have an outdoor recreational outfitting business at the Grand Canyon. His company was the first company permitted to provided guided mountain bike and day hikes at the south rim. Since guiding tours requires both his hands and his speech, he decided that won't work.

 

Then it happened. He came into my office with his notebook and drawings, gestures and repeating the words "bike, two, bike, two, money, job, me." After a lot of quizzing, I finally figured out he wanted me to write down the word "pedi-cab." He headed back to his office and was busy on his computer. A few hours later he emails me a photo of a pedi-cab and the message said, "hi honey, job, me, money." That night at dinner we "talked" about how he thought he could get a job driving a pedi-cab around sporting events and concerts to give people rides. He was determined that he could do it. While he is strong enough to get his own bike around, I am not sure he could manage pulling along another 300 or 400 pounds of people. Then I told him the pay you get was generally from tips and that the more you chatted up the clients, the better the tips. He shrugged and kept eating. So I decided we would role play a bit.

 

Me: "OK, I just finished my dinner and I need a ride to the concert. I walk up to your pedi-cab and what do you say?"

 

Denny: "Hi!" BIG GRIN

 

Me: "I need a ride to the theater."

 

Denny: "OK" Bigger grin and gesture to get in the pedi-cab

 

Me: "What's your name?"

 

Denny: Apologetic smile "Don't know, sorry, thank you."

 

Me: "Are you from around here?"

 

Denny: "Yes, No, Waaaay Waaaay away, Brrrrr cold, bad." This means Illinois and it was too cold there.

 

Me: Just smiling and not sure what to say.

 

Denny: In his very best Brooklyn accent, "So, howyadoin?" BIG BIG SMILE

 

We laughed a lot and decided maybe pedi-cab driver may not be the right job for him. But it was such a good exercise in seeing how he processed the questions and was able to reply and for the most part, get his point across. He is still busy everyday trying to find a job. In the meantime, I have started to encourage him to do jobs around the house. Things I was too worried to ask him to do because I didn't want him to fall or get hurt. He has figured out how to use the leaf blower, strip the bed and wash the sheets, do the dishes, and his favorite, put food in the bird feeders outside. I drew the line at putting the chemicals in the pool when I found him flat on his back, reaching with all his might to get the chlorine floater out of the pool.

 

Denny and I will both keep looking for employment. I just know that 2007 and has to be better. When I read Asha's update on the message board where she went from wondering if life was worth it two years ago to the positive and encouraging person she is today, I knew that 2007 would be better. For the first time, I am actually looking forward to the future. Thanks Asha for the proving to me things will and do get better.

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This blog entry kept a warm smile on my face the whole read through ---well, a few sad parts, but not many. You guys have come such a long way and are finding ways to adapt and compromise. I'm sure you'll work out the challenges still ahead of you. Your New Year's Eve story is a happy tear jerker.

 

Has Denny ever tried one of those little (and very cheap) talking devices that they sell for taking notes, and acts as a key chain or flashlight? Don has one that I had his nephew record a message on (male voice). It says "My name is Don and I have a language disorder. I can't say many words but I can understand everything you are saying. Thanks for understanding and for only asking questions that have yes or no answers." He has another one that can be used on the telephone to get emergency help to the house. THEY work great but Don is stubborn and much prefers to try to talk, But depending on the personality of the person, some aphasics love these things. You just keep the message there for playbacks and don't ever erase it.

 

Your blog should be a real inspiration to others, just like Asha's old/new post thread. That pedi-cab bike idea sure was a creative thing for Denny to come up. I'm sure he'll come up with something else that will work out. Who knows---though---maybe the tourists would tip even better if they knew Denny is disabled.

 

:friends: Jean

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hey Ellen:

 

I loved reading your blog and with Denny's sweetness and willingness to work any job, I am sure life will be great one more time for both of you, When I found my old post I was shocked to see what I was going through back then, so felt complelled to let everyone know life is one more time beautiful again, I know i am not making that big fat paycheck, but still I am having blast in my life truthfully I am having cake and eating too, maybe not with both hands but that does not stop me from stuffing it all up :)

 

 

I am so happy that my post helped you see light at the end of the tunnel, that's why I love this site, we all provide support to each other. Sometime you all caregivers are inspiration to us and sometime we survivors provide inspiration to everybody else.

 

 

Asha

 

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I enjoyed your Blog, and seeing how far you have come in a year.

 

With Denny's enthuaism and hard work, and a wonderufl wife and caregiver I am sure 2007 will be brighter for you. :friends: :friends: :beer:

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Right after reading your blog there was an "Info"mercial on TV

they are selling the little recorders and they also have a LED flashlight on them. the site is www.Lilreminder.com the price was very reasonable.

 

I'm not sure whatthe shopping charges are.

 

My computer has been running very slow. and I just downloaded a FREE antivrus program and it is working MUCH better.

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