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First Try

Betty Jean

Entry posted by Betty Jean

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Well, this is my first try at making a blog and by the way, can anyone tell me why they are called blogs? Anyway, I hope I get this right but if I don't, well, I'll try again later.

 

Anyway, I'm a 57yr old sole caregiver to my 58yr old husband. He had a massive right brain stroke in Sept. which the doctors all told me that most people just die from. They were all amazed that Jim even survived and now at how far he has come but it has had some serious repercussions for Jim and for me as well and I'm sure you all know all about that stuff. The odd thing is, they said his stroke was hereditary. Jim's blood tests all came back fine except the one for homocysteine and that's what accounted for the stroke.

 

I came here because I said in a different post that I lost my mother (she died just before all this) and I didn't have time to grieve for her loss, I lost my husband as I knew him, I lost my life and somewhere along the way I lost myself, the me that I used to be. Now it seems like I have two minds. The me that is just going through the motions with no emotions, no anger, no depression, no tears and no laughter. The only emotion I do show is tender loving touches and care for Jim. The other mind just sort of sits back and watches me go through life with interest and notes everything I do. It reminds me of things I have forgotten and protects me I guess when things get a bit too hard. I know I'm not crazy, just trying to get through all this mess with docs and insurance and hospitals and pt. One day the two of me will join up again but for now we choose to just be partners in this life thing. Anyway, everybody told me to come here so here I am.

 

I'll be back later, this day might get interesting.

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HostAsha

Hey BettyJean:

 

welcome to our blogworld, you did pretty good in publishing your blog, lot of newbies stumble in publishing their blogs including myself, the reason they are called blog is because of web log, it's like your online diary, but I find it very therupetic in writing my journal online cause I get feedback from all like minded people who have gone through same emotions I had gone thru, so I don't feel alone at all.

 

hope to know you better thru your blogs.

 

Asha

 

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jriva

 

Yup, a blog is a combination of two words 'web' and 'log' if I remember my "Idiot's Guide to Creating Web Pages and Blogs" correctly.

 

Aside from a name in common we have other things in common, Betty Jean. My husband's stroke hit him at age 58, too, and I was 57. This was in May of 2000. His was massive but on the left side, leaving him right side paralyzed and without speech. I also didn't have time to grieve my dad before this happened. After the stroke I had to sell two houses and two businesses, have two auctions, move to a wheelchair accessible apartment before finally building a house.

 

I knew that feeling well of going through the motions as if I was a robot with my emotions all bottled up. Losing your sources of income, insurance worries, cash flow problems and not knowing what will happen in the future is enough to make anyone want to become a split personality. We are in a much better and happier place now with the joy back in our lives again. With luck, you will eventually get there too. Just keep writing. It really does help to let out all those emotions in an environment , like here in the blogs, where people understand.

 

Jean

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rdittman

Welcome to blogworld. Blogging is therapeutic and can be a wonderful sense of joy too.

 

As a survivor, let me tell you, I also seem to have multiple sides to my personality; one that is striving to get back what I can, one that wants to give in to life's circumstances, and one that longs for what used to be. At times it is hard to get rid of that middle one. That last personality pushes me toward the first one. As most friends here have mentioned, it all takes time to get everything reconciled. In time I am sure it will for you too.

 

Wishing you and your husband all the best.

 

Bob

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